Courage and Cowardice
by unolimbo
Summary: (Was called AFTER DEATH) Everything is perfect in Kel's life; the war is over; the camp is running smoothly; her fiance is there with her; everyone is happy with her work. but when the unspeakable happens, how will she cope? Who will she turn to?
1. Chapter 1

Here it is: _another_ story! I just had this idea that I really liked, but I didn't want to do it to any of my other stories, because it just would not have worked.

So here it is: _After Death_.

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Kel stood atop the thick wall and peered through her spyglass. Any day now, she thought. Any day now, he would be here.

New Haven was going wonderfully. After the war against Scanra ended, Kel was still needed at the camp. While the war was over, the refugees still had no homes to go back to. The northern towns of Tortall were being rebuilt, but slowly.

Kel did not mind being at New Hope. Her best friend was there with her, and the man she loved was on his way.

She had gone back to Corus only once during the time she was at New Hope. She was granted a months leave of her duties, but on the road to Mindelan, she ran into another party – one that held Cleon of Kennan. So she made her way to Corus with them instead, glad to know that Cleon was still alive and well, and glad to be able to see him again.

She also learned something else. Cleon was free. He did not have to marry. His younger brother, a good for nothing child that no one expected to do anything, had fallen in love. And the girl he had fallen in love with happened to have a very large dowry.

"You know what that means, my rose," Cleon said, pulling Kel close to him, "we _can_ find a nice secluded spot somewhere. "Unless you've found somebody new, my love."

Kel smiled. "Of course not, Cleon." She said. "I just have not seen you in a long time."

Cleon kissed her. "Well then, we shall make the most of this month you have!"

And so, Kel found herself, two months later, awaiting his arrival at New Hope. No longer needed at the fort because there was no war to fight, Cleon requested post at New Hope, so he could be beside his new fiancée.

"My lady, your post is over." A voice behind her said.

Kel turned. "Thank you, Damien. Carry on." She said, closing her spyglass and walking down the stairs. She sighed as she stepped around stray chickens and pigs that were milling around the courtyard. "This is a wonderful place," she muttered. "Any man would be sure to be impressed." She stepped into headquarters where her clerks and commanders were waiting. "Good morning," she said with a smile. "I'm sorry I'm late."

They smiled up at her. "Don't worry, Kel," Merric said. "Neal's not even here yet."

Just then, Neal burst through the door. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" He cried. "There was a child, she was throwing up, very sick!"

Kel put her hands up to stop him. "Neal, it's alright." She said before he could launch into a never ending explanation as to why he thought the child was sick. "Very well, down to business. Merric, how are things outside?"

"Things are good," Merric said. "We have run into a few small bandit parties, never with more than ten or fifteen men. And that is over three months, so it is going pretty well."

Kel nodded as the clerks scribbled madly. "Neal?"

He grimaced. "Not to good." He said. "There is something going around. We have too many people and not enough space, Kel. When people get sick, I haven't the space to quarantine them, or enough healers to heal them all. I think it may be coming from the water, or more likely the latrines."

Kel ran her hand through her hair. "How much space do you need to quarantine them?" She asked.

Neal furrowed his brow. "I don't know, there are about fifty of them now, but the number is growing."

Kel nodded. "Very well. Take the emptiest barrack and put all the sick in there for quarantine. Tell the refugees who were living there that they are to sleep in provided tents until they can be given either proper housing in other barracks or their own barracks back. I know it sounds ridiculous, but for the time being, we have no better answer. If anyone argues, offer to house them in stocks for the night."

Neal looked unsure, but Kel just rolled her eyes. "Fine, Neal." She said flatly. "I'll do it. But I do not want to hear another word out of you, is that clear?" Neal nodded. Kel sighed. "I will never hear the end of this one." She said. "Do we have the supplies to build temporary housing?" She asked.

Her head clerk, Eurgain, searched through the papers she had. "I'm afraid we don't quite have enough, my lady." She said, shaking her head. "We could build a small one to hold about thirty people, maybe forty. That's probably it."

Kel nodded. "Neal, do we need it?"

He furrowed his brow again. "I don't know. I think the refugees would like it better, but it would take time and manpower, and I don't think it necessary."

Kel nodded. "Very well, I'll speak to the refugees later. You will have your quarantine by nightfall." She looked around. "Is there anything else?"

Everyone shook their heads, contented. Kel sighed in relief. "Oh-" Eurgain spoke. "Sorry, I meant to say before, but we received a message. Along with the knight coming up is a squad of the King's Own. They have been assigned here to help us keep the refugees under control when they get restless for their homes."

Kel nodded, aggrieved. This meant finding beds for eleven more men than she was expecting. "Very well." She said. "Eurgain, have that barracks built for fifteen as soon as possible, and I want it in between the guards barracks and headquarters. Neal, are you sure you can't just block off the main room of the infirmary?"

Neal frowned. "Fine," he snapped. "I'll make do with what I've got. But I'm coming back to you if it doesn't work."

Kel nodded. "Fair enough." Kel said. No one else spoke up, so Kel dismissed them. "What have we got today, Eurgain?" Kel asked.

Eurgain looked at the schedule. "Well, you did promise Neal you would look into bringing another healer up here..."

Kel made a face. "I couldn't tell him that I already applied for one, Eurgain. It would break his heart, knowing they didn't care what happened to his patients. It broke my heart, too."

Eurgain nodded. "Very well, my lady. You have time to get some work done. May I beg time to go get breakfast?"

Kel raised an eyebrow, and Eurgain blushed. "I was at fighting practice with the children." She said. "I do need practice, you know!"

Kel smiled. "Carry on, Eurgain."

The young woman thanked her and left.

Kel had been working at her desk for almost an hour when she just gave up. "This is useless!" She groaned. "Why can't things just work the way they're supposed to?"

"Oh, surely it's not all that bad."

Kel looked up. "Cleon!" She cried, leaping at him. "You're here!"

"I'm glad you noticed." He said, hugging her.

Kel pulled back. "Oh, this means the squad is here too. I have to welcome them properly, do the whole commander thing... bloody hell. Give me a few minutes, Cleon."

Cleon nodded. "Of course, love." With that, Kel quickly ran out of headquarter doors and down the steps to where she saw a group of men milling around, as well as Neal and Merric.

"Welcome to New Hope. I am Sir Keladry- you!" She cried.

Dom put a hand to his chest in surprise. "Me?"

Kel put her hands on her hips. "What are you doing here?" She asked.

Neal rolled his eyes. "Honestly Kel, I don't see-"

Kel pointed a finger at Neal. "Shut up, Neal. And shouldn't you be tending to those sick you were complaining about having so many of?"

Neal glared at her, but skulked away none the less. Kel gave Dom a hug. "It's wonderful to see you." She bit her lip. "I'm afraid there's a bit of a problem with your housing, though." She said, pointing to a square of timber on the ground. "That's it."

Dom nodded with a sigh. "I see."

"I'm sorry," Kel said, "I just found out you were all coming this morning, but you should have a proper building within the week. I'm afraid tents will have to do for now. Actually – I don't know, we might have a bit of room in headquarters, that would be nice, then wewouldn't have to build anything. Eurgain!" She called to her clerk, who had just came, "how much room have we got in headquarters?"

Eurgain checked her books. "About fifteen empty beds, my lady! It is perfect!"

Kel grinned. "There we go. You all have somewhere to sleep. You're lucky we don't have many commanding officers."

She called over to the men who were building and told them to stop. "Come," she said to Dom, "I can show you all where you will sleep."

She led them into headquarters, then went to her office. Cleon was there, waiting patiently. "You took more than five minutes, love." He said with a grin.

Kel smiled. "I said a few, Cleon, not five." She walked over to him. "But that doesn't matter anymore." She kissed him. "Come with me on my rounds. I would have to show you around, anyway."

She showed him the mess hall and the infirmary, the barns and the latrines, the pens and the refugee housing. She ended with the guards barracks. "This is where you'll be sleeping," she said. "You'll be under Merric's command. And please," she said, looking him in the eye, "actually listen to him. I know he was below you in school, but he is good at what he does."

Cleon lifted an eyebrow. "Would I cause trouble?" He asked.

Kel looked at the big redhead in front of her. "Yes, you would." She said with a smile. "Come on, I have to check in with Eurgain. She has to record everything I do. I don't know why she wasn't here in the first place."

They celebrated that night. The refugees were always happy to see new faces, especially those who looked powerful. It made them feel as though people cared. They danced and sang late into the night, and Kel found herself staggering back to headquarters with a bit too much drink in her.

"Oh come now, dove!" Cleon called out from behind her. "Hold yourself tall and proud! You are a woman who can take her drink!" He grabbed her by the waist and spun her around. "For instance, you should be able to stop me from doing this!"

Kel screamed and laughed. "Put me down, Cleon of Kennan, before I regurgitate my dinner onto you."

He put her down and pulled her close to him. "I'm glad I'm marrying you, Keladry." He said. Kel smiled, and he kissed her. "Goodnight, love. Are you sure you don't want me to accompany you?"

Kel chuckled. "Good night, Cleon."

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I hope you all enjoyed it so far. It is going to be a short one, only about five chapters, probably... oh well. It shouldn't be too bad!

-unolimbo


	2. Chapter 2

I forgot the disclaimer, so here it is: I own nothing. Tough luck, me.

Alice: see the end of the chapter. I don't want to give spoilers.

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Cleon and Dom's squad quickly became used to living in Kel's camp. They learned that it was hard work, all the time, but it was rewarding. Kel was glad to have them there.

There were few bandits attacks, but there were raiders. Rabbles of Scanrans, leaping at what they saw as their last chance of glory. They never came in groups larger than twenty, and they were always disposed of immediately.

But then one day, weeks later, another raiders group arrived. This one was larger, consisting of upwards of one hundred men, and they caught Merric's men off guard as they checked the forests.

Kel heard the horn calls. She was waiting at the gate when they rode back into New Hope, waiting for news.

The refugees quickly assembled on the walls and shot down the raiders outside until there was nothing left of them. Kel rushed back to the infirmary where Merric was with the injured men. "Tell me, Hollyrose." She said.

He looked worried. His lips were a thin pressed line, and he was pale. "Seven injured." He said. Kel winced. "Two dead." Kel sighed. She hated useless deaths.

"Kel." Merric put his hand on her shoulder, looking at her gravely. "It's Cleon."

She stared at him for a moment, reading his face. He's tricking me, she thought. Cleon is safe in the barracks. He is trying to scare me for some reason.

But as much as she though, she could not come up with a reason as to why he would be trying to scare her. She turned and ran across the courtyard to the barns, where she quickly took out Hoshi. She did not bother with a saddle, she just took the horse outside.

"Kel? What are you doing?" Dom was outside, leading in one of the injured men's horses. His own horse stood beside him. "Kel!" He called after her, but she was already riding towards the gate. "Bloody hell." He muttered, and jumped on his horse to follow her.

He knew where she was going. He had no reason to ask, or even to stay close to her. He had been there. He followed Kel across the bridge and into the forest. He had no idea how she knew where to go until he saw the hoof prints in the ground. He rode through the trees, looking for where Kel was.

Kel leapt off of Hoshi as soon as she saw Cleon. He way lying to the side of a large clearing, a spear pierced through his chest.

She hesitated before she touched him, her hands outstretched before her. She was afraid. Tears clouded her sight as she collapsed on the ground beside him.

She touched his face, his lips. He was cold. There was surprisingly little blood around his wound, and if the spear had not been protruding from him, he would have looked as if he was sleeping. He died quickly, like a true fighter, she thought. Honourable. But what was honour worth to her? Nothing.

She cried. She put her head down on him and she cried over him, and she did not stop when she heard Dom ride up behind her and get off his horse.

He didn't say anything as he knelt beside her. He put his hands on her strong shoulders and guided her away from Cleon's lifeless corpse. Kel didn't fight him, as he expected, but she turned to him and buried her face in his chest as he put his arms around her.

"Shh," he said quietly, holding Kel to his breast as she cried. "Don't cry, Kel." He whispered.

Slowly, Kel's tears dried out until she was just sobbing dryly, but she didn't move. She stayed there until she knew she was done, then lifted her head. "Oh Dom, what am I going to do?" She cried, sobbing once again.

Dom pulled her close to him. "Right now, Kel, you are going to come back to New Hope with me, and you are going to sit down with a hot cup of tea while we send men back for Cleon. It's not safe out here, do you understand?"

Kel nodded and rose, drying her face with the palms of her hands. "I don't want to ride." She said.

Dom sighed. "You rode out here, Kel, you have got to get back. But we can walk, if you would prefer."

She nodded her head, and Dom picked up Hoshi's reins. Kel crossed her arms over her chest and began to walk. Dom walked beside her.

"You never told me it would be okay." Kel said.

Dom sighed. "No Kel, I didn't."

Half an hour later, they arrived back at New Hope, not having said another word to each other. Dom gave their horses to a guard and walked Kel back to her room in headquarters.

"I will ask you, Kel, are you okay?"

Kel shook her head, staring at the ground. "No."

Dom kissed her forehead. "Go and sleep, Kel. There is nothing else you need to think about."

Kel nodded silently and closed the door. Dom could hear her burst out in sobs on the other side.

It was morning when Kel woke up. "That was all a dream." She said out loud. "A horrible dream." She stood up and went to the window, bursting out in tears again. The flag was flying half mast.

A knock on the door made Kel cry out. "Who is it?" She said weakly, wishing she had just not answered and pretended to be asleep.

"It's Dom. May I come in?"

Knowing he would anyway, Kel relented and opened the door. He smiled weakly. "I heard you moving around," he said. "how are you doing?"

Kel shrugged. "How am I supposed to be doing?"

Dom sighed. "I wish I knew." He said. "You're tired. Either go back to sleep or go see Neal, alright? Sleep will make it better."

Kel nodded. "But I have work to do."

Dom shook his head. "No you don't." He said, closing the door behind him as he left.

Kel put her head back down on her pillow and fell asleep. She didn't wake until noon, when she decided it was time to leave her room. She quickly pulled her hair back and put on a clean tunic, remembering to look proper when she went out, and ventured down to the mess hall. The mess was almost empty. The meal was over, only a few stragglers remained, as well as Kel's commanders, who were sitting at a table in the corner of the room.

Kel made her way over to them and was welcomed warmly, as well as informed that everything she was supposed to do in the past two days was taken care of. "Thank you." She said clearly, then sat down in silence to listen to them talk.

They were not talking of New Hope, as she expected, but of their lives in general; Kel already knew everything about Neal and Merric, but other people, Dom and Eurgain, she knew little about. They were socializing, getting to know each other as they had never really had time before, but Kel couldn't bear it. She didn't want to hear about their happiness or their suffering. She excused herself from the conversation, retrieved a roll from the kitchen to eat, and went back to her room.

She wanted to sleep, but she had been sleeping for a day now. She sat down on her bed with a sigh as Jump jumped into her lap. "Good morning." She said, scratching the dog's ear.

She lay down on the bed. What was there for her to do? She had work she should do, but she couldn't bear going outside again. She went into her study and stared at everything. Sheets of paper littered her desk where she had been working the day before. She had been so absorbed in it all that she had to leave it where it was when she had her meeting. Her glaive and sword leaned against the wall. There were chairs out of place, and record books strewn across the table from the meeting she and Eurgain were having.

It was a mess, but Kel didn't care. She sat down behind her desk and started working. She stayed behind her desk until the bell rang for dinner.

Though she was hoping for a quiet meal, she did not get what she wished for. There was a brawl in front of the mess hall that evening. Two men were arguing over a woman. Kel had dealt with the problem before, but it had a new sting now. She took a deep breath and put on her Yamani mask before striding over to the fighters. She grabbed the two men by their shirts and pulled them apart. Two men of the Own came and held on to them for her.

"Explain yourselves." She said, frowning.

The two men looked at each other madly. "If I don't get an answer, you can spend the night in the stocks!"

"He tried to steal my wife!" One man shouted. Both men started shouting at each other. Kel made out something about one man being married to a woman that the other man wanted... Kel didn't care.

"Who is the woman responsible for this?" Kel asked.

A young woman with a bulge in her belly stepped forward meekly. Kel frowned. "What happened?"

The young woman stared at the ground. "He's my husband." She said, pointing at one man. She looked up. "But..."

Kel closed her eyes and sighed. "Everyone clear out!" She said to the surrounding crowd. "Now, or latrine duty for the rest of the week!"

The crowd quickly dispersed, and Kel was left with the two men, still held by the men of the Own, and the young woman. "Let me get this straight," Kel said. "This man is your husband, but am I right in assuming that this man is your lover?"

The young woman nodded, not looking up. Kel sighed. "Very well. You brought this on yourself. What's your name?"

"Millie, my lady." The young woman said quietly.

"Well, Millie, you brought this upon yourself. I'm not going to put a pregnant woman in the stocks, but you have latrine duty for one week." She turned to the two men. "You will both have latrine duty the following week. It is up for you, Millie, to decide who the father of your child shall be, and whoever you choose, you are stuck with. I will let you marry again if you choose, but after that, you live your life with your husband, and I don't hear any complaints about it. Understand?"

Millie nodded. "Good," Kel said. "And you two have a black mark on my record. One more fight, and you are spending the night in the stocks."

The soldiers put them down. "I expect to hear your decision from you personally by the end of tomorrow." Kel said. "Either that, or I decide for you."

She turned and walked into the mess hall. After getting a plate full of stew, she sat down with her friends. "Glad you've decided to join us." Neal said. "We missed you."

Kel nodded. "I'm sorry." She said.

Neal shrugged it off. "No worries, Kel." He said. "What have we got planned for this evening?"

Eurgain smiled. "There's a sword competition tonight. The women want to prove to the men that they can fight."

Merric clapped his hands together. "Excellent! This is a competition I can actually do!"

"Eurgain, are you going to compete?" Kel asked.

The young woman blushed. "Oh, I don't think so, my lady. I'm not nearly good enough!"

Kel shrugged. "You'll never know until you try."

"Oh come on, Eurgain!" Merric said. "You should try! I've seen you practice. You are getting much better!"

Eurgain smiled. "Oh, please, sir! I'm not that good..."

Neal nodded. "Kel's right, you'll never know how good you are unless you try! And besides, if you do lose, all that's going to happen is you will lose. It's not life or death, Eurgain."

Dom punched him. "That's not what you're supposed to say, sir Meathead!"

Kel watched them calmly. They were happy. None of them seemed to notice that their friend died the day before.

When they ventured out into the square to watch the tournament, Kel, Neal and Dom found themselves alone as Merric and Eurgain went to compete. They helped refugees bring out benches and set them up around a large square in the courtyard. They set up chairs at one side, and insisted that Kel and her other commanders sit in them. It was only her, Neal and Dom, and Kel was in no mood to argue, so she sat.

Soon after the tournament started, Merric came over, taunting Neal. Angered, Neal ended up in the tournament against Merric. Merric grinned at Kel and Dom. "I knew I'd be able to get him out there! What about you two?"

Dom shook his head. "I'm happy to be a spectator, thanks."

Kel nodded. "I'm not in the mood, thank you."

They sat in silence for a few minutes, watching the younger children fight with wooden swords before they were sent to bed.

"Dom," Kel said, "thank you for being so kind."

Dom smiled. "So kind of you to notice."

"Sorry." Kel said. "Why are you so calm about this?" She asked. "It's like it doesn't matter to you. You don't seem sorry."

Dom sighed. "It's not that. When there are ten people you are commanding, instead of hundreds, you get to know them well. And people die in battle, and often. Sometimes you lose friends. You just have to remember. Would they want you to cry over their death, or would they want you to celebrate their life? I think they'd want you to celebrate their life. So I say cry. Cry as much as you feel necessary, and when you're done, smile again."

Kel nodded. "I see." She looked up at him. "But isn't it difficult? I mean, how can you smile when you think of that?"

Dom shrugged. "Don't think of how you saw them die, or how you saw them afterwards. Think of what they did in life that made you smile. Here. Tell me something that Cleon did that made you smile."

Kel racked her brain, trying to think of something that made her smile that didn't now make her cry. "I can't think of anything that made me smile that would not make me cry now." She said.

Dom shrugged. "Give it some time," he said. "It should come to you later. Think of other things that made you smile, and maybe it will seem easier."

"This makes me smile." She said.

Dom poked her. "You're not smiling, that doesn't count!"

Kel glared at him. "You don't need to be mean!" She said.

Dom grinned. "It's what I do." He said.

"Well, you didn't let me finish." She said, pointing to where Merric was beating Neal mercilessly. "That makes me smile." She said with a smile.

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Ooh... I hoped you enjoyed it, I was very proud of it. Please read and review! Yay!

Soccerchick-08: nooo.... What ever gave you that idea?... backs away slowly... breaks into a run! Seriously though, the difference in this one was that she wasn't in love with him straight from the start. They are just friends.

Alenor: glad you liked it... but ah, no more!

Lady of Masbolle: wow, I have no idea what you're talking about. Interesting! But I'm glad you like the story!

Alice: well, there you go! I didn't write it, because that would just give it away! It is not really that romantic for a while. There will possibly be some crazy flashbacks, maybe a bit of self realization... who knows.


	3. Chapter 3

Kel calmed down quickly, or so everyone thought. Her Yamani mask helped Kel. She was able to show none of the thoughts and emotions that plagued her mind and soul. Refugees would ask her for help, she would have meetings with her staff, she would participate in the activities the refugees held. But no matter how much Kel looked like she was calm, inside she was churning.

Her friends got over it quickly – too quickly, Kel thought. Yes they were used to war and death, but Cleon had been their friend. He had been their comrade and companion, their colleague and their brother.

And he was gone. Kel, for all she knew of love and death, could not understand what she was feeling. She had seen death before, she had caused it many a time. But how was it that someone she loved left her so quickly and so easily? She knew she should talk to someone. Neal, most likely. He understood matters of love. His heart fluttered from girl to girl for years before he found true love. He had his heart broken many a time. He understood the pain, and he understood what it took to leave it behind.

But it was different, wasn't it, the difference between never realizing love that was based on what you had seen of another, and love that was true. Kel had been as finicky as Neal before. Flitting between Cleon and – god forbid – Dom, Kel really never knew what she felt until it was sure. Until she knew that something could come of it, Kel could never really commit to anything. Was she fickle? No, she wasn't, she couldn't be. She had loved Cleon with all her heart, and him being gone meant that she was done. She wouldn't let herself do that.

She would never forget him. No matter how many times her friends told her to get past it, to overcome it, Kel knew she would always have part of it in her. And she didn't mind. In fact, she wanted it that way. She didn't want to go through that again, and so she remembered.

Though she was still in pain, Kel got on with her life; she had to. She had a refugee camp to run.

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Weeks passed as Kel slowly healed. She smiled again, though weakly and infrequently, but she was happy. She still remembered, and she still thought about it. Nothing made her smile enough to forget about Cleon, even for a moment.

But she still enjoyed herself again. That was all that mattered.

"I think it's a good idea." Neal said.

Kel shrugged. "I don't know, Neal. It seems silly."

Dom shrugged. "Well, of course it's silly! Isn't that the entire point?"

Kel smiled. "I guess, but it still seems silly to have a ball. These are refugees, we're talking about, not nobles."

Neal shrugged. "It's Midwinter, Kel. And it's not a ball, it's a party. No one has dress clothes here, of course, but you put on a clean tunic and you look perfectly presentable. We assign some of the young boys to wait on everyone, and just like at home, people give to their friends what they have."

Kel propped her head on her hand. "I still don't understand how you came up with this," she said, shaking her head.

Dom shrugged. "It does make sense, though. It would help the refugees get closer. Give each other gifts, maybe assign one person to give someone else a gift on behalf of everyone. That way everyone gets a gift, and maybe makes a friend."

Kel sighed. "Fine, it sounds like a nice time. But I'm not organizing it," she said. "I have enough to think about running this camp. I would rather not organize a party as well."

Neal grinned. "You know, I've always wanted to play host!"

Dom smirked. "Hey, maybe Kel brought a dress or two she could lend you! A bit of altering, they would do fine..."

Kel shook her head. "You two are unbelievable. I have to get some work done. I'll see you tomorrow. I want to see plans for this party, because as much as I want nothing to do with it, I know you are going to botch it up somehow."

Dom looked insulted. "Goodness, Kel! don't you have faith in us?"

Kel shook her head. "None whatsoever," she said, turning on her heel and walking back to headquarters.

Kel put her head in her hands and sighed when she reached her desk. It always amazed her, how much work the camp could be. Even after the years she had spent at New Hope, anything could still surprise her. Whether it was the problems they got themselves into, or just the things their children said, there was always something new.

"This is ridiculous!" She groaned, leaning back in her chair.

"Is it really that bad?" A voice said.

Kel almost cried out in shock – the sudden memory of Cleon came rushing back to her. She looked up. "Dom!" She said, relief and sadness flowing through her at the same time.

He sauntered in and sat down at a chair across from her. "Sergeant Domitan of Masbolle, reporting to duty, my lady!" He said with a salute.

Kel raised an eyebrow.

Eurgain was caught up in practicing, but she said you needed help, and her other clerks are busy... so she sent me. Don't see why you need me, really, but it is much better than patrolling or being on carpentry duty."

Kel chuckled. "Fine, Dom. You can look over the inventory. I need to know what we need in the next stock."

Dom nodded, pulling his chair towards the table. They worked for a while, talking about the inventory and chatting about New Hope gossip, until Dom spoke suddenly.

"You don't need to feel alone, you know."

Kel looked up. "Pardon me?"

"You don't need to be alone," Dom said. "Neal and I have both noticed this, Neal more than myself, I must say. You've been quieter, Kel. And while you still smile, you have done it much less. The conversation we had earlier would have made you smile before. You can talk to us, Kel."

"I know," Kel said quietly, looking at the ground, "I think I might find Neal in a bit."

Dom's face fell, but Kel did not see it, as her head was down.

They went back to their work after that, saying little to each other.

Hours later, when all of Kel's work was done, after she had checked all of the posts and made sure the next meal was being made, Kel went to the infirmary to seek out Neal.

"Good afternoon!" He said with a smile, ushering a small child with a scraped elbow out of the infirmary. "What can I do for you, Kel?"

Kel shrugged. "I'm just checking up. Dom helped me with my paperwork, so I don't have anything to do at the moment. Is everything okay around here?"

Neal nodded. "It's pretty good. I haven't had much business since that flu went down, which is always a good sign. I've had a few injuries and a couple of sick people, but for a camp this size, we are doing remarkably well."

Kel nodded. "That's always good to hear." She thought about it. What would asking Neal do? What would she ask? Hey, Neal, how did you get over your broken heart so often? What's the best remedy for this kind of pain? That wasn't the answer. The answer was in living her life. If she could do that, she would be fine. Dom was right in that she smiled less, and she knew she needed to do it more often again, and she promised herself she would.

She changed her mind. She did want something to do with Neal and Dom's party. She did want to help them, because she knew it would get her mind off of whatever else she would think about.

"I have thought about it, Neal," she said, holding her head high, "and I have decided that this Midwinter party is a wonderful idea. Harvest season is upon us, next week we are putting more people in the fields. It's already getting cool, which means we are going to have a very cold winter. The refugees will need something to keep them entertained. I approve, and you have my help wherever you need it."

Neal grinned. "That's my girl, Kel!" He sighed. "I wish I could be home for Midwinter this year."

Kel leaned on the table beside Neal, who also leaned back onto it. "Let me tell you something, Neal." She said. "I received a message yesterday. I decided not to tell anyone about it, believing that no one would do their jobs if I did. But I received a message from Lord Wyldon, and he told me that we will be home before the next harvest. The towns are almost rebuilt, and though it will be difficult, the people will be able to go home."

Neal looked up. "You're serious?"

Kel nodded. "Absolutely."

Neal practically jumped. "Kel, this is great! This is amazing! Oh, I have to go..."

Kel put up her hand. "Neal! You do not tell a living, breathing soul what I just told you! I should not have said it in the first place, do you understand me? If the refugees find out, who knows what they will do. They could easily not put as much effort into their jobs, knowing they would be away from this all soon. They would get restless this winter. Who knows? I have decided, Neal. I will tell them in the summer. Besides, we are not completely sure. If it is a bad winter, work will go slowly, and we may not be able to go home until the next spring."

Neal nodded. "Fine. Be that way."

Kel patted him on the shoulder. "It will be fine, Neal! You will get to see Yuki soon enough." Saying that pained her, knowing that Neal would have someone to go home to, and she would not.

Neal grinned. "Thanks, mother! You always know the right thing to say."

The bell at the mess hall rang for dinner. The two friends walked out of the infirmary towards the mess hall, hungry and happy.

Neal's party was as much work than Kel expected. They made a circle of all of the adult refugees and soldiers, and a circle of all the children. Each person was given a name, and that was who they had to give a gift to. The circle meant that every person got a gift, and no one was left out.

Kel looked over Neal's plans for the mess hall. He had made tables, every person in the camp with a place. There was a table for everyone at headquarters, and tables of soldiers and refugees, intermingled. He had done a good job. "You'd make a wonderful wife for some rich noble, Neal." She said.

Neal glared at her. "Thank you, I have always aimed highly," he said dryly. "Come on, Kel, it will be great! The children made decorations for the mess hall, and everyone is putting on their best clothes, though few have much. They will all enjoy themselves! You should too!"

Kel looked up at him. "I know, Neal, I'm just teasing you."

He shrugged. "Fine, Kel. Come on, I already checked the mess hall, it's ready. The bell should ring for dinner soon. Don't you have any nice clothes? A dress or something?"

Kel frowned. "Even if I had one, I would not wear a dress, Neal. But I will put on a fresh tunic. Is that good enough for you?"

Neal grinned. "Sounds wonderful." He stood up. "I myself have to go get dressed, and make myself all pretty."

Kel smiled weakly. "Have fun." She said, her head resting on her hand, looking at him. When he was gone, she went to her own rooms. She slipped on clean breeches and a tunic, and tied her hair behind her head with a piece of ribbon. "I've got to do something about this." She muttered, pulling long strands out of her face. She washed her face, picked up her gift, and walked down to the mess hall as the bell rang.

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Okay, this chapter was really random and uneventful, but I must say, most of this story will be. Well, that's not really true. It was like this because I couldn't think of any better way to start it. it should be fine later on, I promise! Next chapter or two, it should get interesting.

Lady-kitty: thank you!

Wake-Robin: hmm... it's kind of obvious, isn't it?

Ethuiliel: thanks!

Soccerchick-08: no, go ahead, by all means. But stop guessing right, damn it! No Merric did not have all one hundred men. That is why they retreated back to the camp and let the refugees on the wall finish them off.

Dreamerdoll: hmm, this seems to be a theme, this hatred of Cleon... I think I have four or five reviews that say it!

Atlanta Enchanted: more loathing! I love that word!

Ethuiliel (again): this story is too deep? This is not a deep story... it is my 'unolimbo wants to write some happy crap where nothing happens' story.

Lady of Masbolle: I see... haha. I like the jerry springer reference. I just wanted her to be solving something with refugees... but I couldn't decide what... so it kinda sucked.

Fhire: hmm... harsh, but ultimately true. I am sort of losing my touch, but whatever. I didn't really write this story thinking it would be as good as my other stories (which are also getting progressively worse), but I just really wanted to write about this. You know? And Kel did not fight because she was really upset and not in the mood to do anything, and Dom's reasons were not entirely noble... he's a sneaky one.

Lady-kitty (also again): wow, I made someone cry? Score!

Alice: haha, more Cleon hatred! Wow!

Ladybug912: gah! Cleon hatred again! Don't worry, I agree! I tried to write this story as a Kel Cleon, but I couldn't do it!

The Former Kelly Masbolle: I do indeed remember you! Wow, your review is very poetic... but I'm glad you like it!

Alannalovingwriter: well, I read it sort of as she knew that she couldn't really be with him, so she almost forced herself to stop loving him. I guess... it doesn't make sense. Let's pretend, shall we?

Alenor: ooh, shopping... have fun! Glad you like it!

PsychoLioness13: hmm, I guess that makes quite a bit of sense. Oh well. I think it turned out pretty well!

Well, I am far too lazy to bother getting a quote today... sleepy. I love weekends! Please review (try to avoid flames, okay? Constructive criticism, people!) and enjoy!

-unolimbo


	4. Chapter 4

Kel was surprised when she stepped into the large hall. Neal had done well. He had moved all the tables around, put place cards for every person, and he had the children make paper decorations for him. The room looked beautiful and festive.

Neal and Dom had organized it all wonderfully. They showed her and let her review all of their plans, except for the gift circles. Only Dom and Neal knew who every person was giving a gift to.

When Kel got to the table Neal had directed her to, she looked for her place card. It was at the head of the table, the proper place for a commander. Neal's card was on her right. Kel knew, of course, that her gift was for Neal, and that his gift was for Eurgain, who had a carefully written card beside Neal's. She looked to the left of her seat, and saw that the card had Dom's name. She smiled. She was getting a gift from Dom. It never even occurred to her that he had organized it that way.

The meal was delicious. They had real meat for dinner, large birds and beasts with vegetables and potatoes. When everyone had eaten their fill and had brought their dishes into the kitchen, Neal stood up on a crate that he had set next to his bench.

"Good evening! I hope you all enjoyed your meal," he said. Everyone cheered as he spoke. Kel smiled, glad that his dinner had been such a success. "if you look to your right, you will see the person you have brought a gift for. If you look to your left, you will see the lucky soul who gets to give you a midwinter's gift!" Everyone laughed, and Neal continued. "Let the gift giving commence!" He threw his arms up in the air dramatically, almost losing his balance and falling off the crate. He sat down beside Kel and she presented her gift to him.

"It's not much, I'm sorry, but I just didn't know what to give you," Kel said guiltily.

Neal shook his head as he opened it. "No, it's perfect!" He held up a small leather sheath for a dagger.

"I know it's good to keep a dagger in your boot, and I thought, 'Neal would end up stabbing himself.' So I had the tanner make me this to go around either you leg or your waist. I'm sorry there's no new knife in it, though. The blacksmith wasn't good enough to make one better than the one you already have."

Neal grinned. "Thanks, Kel!"

Kel then turned around to face Dom, who was waiting patiently for her. He handed her a small box with a piece of ribbon tied around it. Kel slowly pulled the ribbon off and opened the small box. It contained a silver necklace with a fine chain and a small horseshoe pendant hanging from it. There were four tiny diamonds where the nails would be.

Kel gasped. "Dom, it's beautiful!"

Dom shrugged. "My father gave it to my sister, but she said it reminded her too much of the barn. She always hated riding, and didn't quite know why father gave it to her. She gave it to me, and told me to give it to whoever I was courting." He said with a chuckle. "I thought you might like it."

Kel smiled. "Thank you," she said, holding it up for him. "Will you help me?"

He took the necklace from her as she turned around. He passed the strand over her head until it sat against her chest. She could feel his breath on her neck as he leaned in to see the necklace, she could feel his fingers brushing against her back as he tied it. "Thank you," she said as he placed the necklace down on her neck. She could feel the pressure of his fingers and the warmth of his breath no more. It was an odd sensation. The world was rushing in around her, but she had not noticed that it had left. Kel felt herself long for his touch…

Kel jumped when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned around quickly. "Let's see how it looks," Dom said with a smile. Flushed, Kel sat up taller. "Beautiful." Dom said.

Before Kel could say anything, Neal stood up again. "Ladies and gentlemen!" He said loudly. "If you would all be so kind as to step outside for a few moments, put your gift away, perhaps, while we prepare for the second part of our lovely Midwinter celebration: the ball!"

Kel groaned. "He was serious about that?" She asked.

Dom nodded his head. "Completely."

"Well," Kel said with a dramatic sigh, "I'm glad I agreed to take the second shift on watch." She stood up. "Do you need me for anything, Neal?"

Neal glanced at Dom quickly, but then shook his head. "Go ahead, Kel."

Kel took a deep breath of the cool night air when she got outside. It was cool and refreshing, like a gulp of icy water after a long ride. She jogged quickly to her room to pick up a heavier coat, as she would be standing out in the cold air for a long time.

Kel gripped the railing as she slowly ascended the steep stairs to the top of the wall. She calmed considerably when she reached the top. "You are dismissed," she said to the guard who was standing there. "I can take over now."

The look of relief on the man's face was incredible. "I didn't think anyone would come, I was afraid I'd be here all night!" He stood up straight. "Sir." He bowed sharply to her, and Kel bowed in return. He then marched quickly down the stairs and out of sight.

Kel stood on the wall, looking out at the serene landscape below her. She heard footsteps on the stairs and turned. Dom was standing there. Kel sighed. "Evening," she said, bowing her head to him. Dom bowed his head in return.

"Thought I'd come and join you. Meathead said he'd be by later."

Kel nodded. Dom stepped closer to her, but she shrugged it off. It was just to see over the wall.

"Kel, I-" Dom paused to collect his thoughts. "I – there's a second part to your gift." He kissed her. Quickly and softly, but he kissed her. Kel had not expected it. "Midwinter luck."

_Cleon leaned down and pressed his lips gently to hers. "Midwinter luck, Kel," he whispered. He turned crimson, and strode down the hall. _

_Kel stood there for some time, completely poleaxed._

Kel nodded, quickly putting her hands back on the edge of the wall. "Yes, Midwinter luck to you too." She said nothing else, holding her body completely rigid. Dom didn't say anything, and after a moment, he turned away and walked slowly down the stairs.

As soon as he was gone, Kel let out a sob. She had broken his heart. They would never look at each other the same way again, and it was all because Kel had promised herself that she would mourn her fiancé properly. But that wasn't all of it. It wasn't that she wouldn't let herself have a romance, it was that she didn't want it. She did not love Dom, not like that. what did he expect from her? Love? Sex? All she expected from him was friendship, and now even that was lost.

Tobe appeared at Kel's side as she held back another sob. "Alright, lady?" He asked.

Kel nodded, waving him away.

"Sure don't look like it." He said.

Kel sighed. "Tobe, I don't wish to speak of it. Now do as you're told and go back to the ball."

Tobe looked at her for a moment, then shrugged. He agreed to go water and feed the horses before returning to the party. Kel smiled weakly. "Thank you, Tobe. That is what I was hoping for." She said.

-----

They tried to speak to each other. Not about anything in particular, they just tried to strike conversations when they saw each other. But they had trouble. When one tried, the other would not reciprocate.

Kel was civil with Dom most of the time, but frightened. She did not want to be hurt again, nor did she wish to hurt him.

Neal noticed the change. He tried to call Kel and Dom on it, but to no avail. He soon gave up. Kel receded into her shell of loneliness, and no one tried to get her out again.

Kel tried to get back to a normal life, but now she had a friendship to mourn as well as a love. She did all of her duties as commander and then some, never giving herself a second to pause and reflect upon her life in the hopes that she would never have to. Still, months after Cleon's death, Kel was not completely healed.

Spring was upon New Hope, with new sparrows and new leaves appearing soon. Kel and Eurgain were working quietly, going over the new seasons planting schedule. The ground would be thawed in a matter of days, and they had to be ready for planting.

A knock on the door stopped their conversing. "Come in," Kel said.

Neal opened the door. "Morning, ladies." Kel smiled. "Kel, could I speak to you a moment?"

Kel nodded. "Of course, Neal, come in."

Eurgain smiled at him. "Should I leave, then?" She asked.

Neal smiled in return. "Thank you kindly, Eurgain." Eurgain then picked up her board and quill and walked out of the room.

Kel looked at Neal. "What can I do for you?" She asked.

Neal sat down in the chair that had held Eurgain. "Well, firstly, I need some new supplies. Ingredients for various charms, potions, things like that."

Kel frowned at him. "Neal, why did you send my clerk out for that?"

"Other things," Neal said with a sigh. "Everyone notices it, Kel. I tried to let it go, but I can't. you and Dom have been anything but civil with each other. I know he kissed you, but is it really that big of a deal?"

Kel frowned yet again. "How do you know that?"

Neal shrugged innocently. "I know everything, Kel. Just tell me, why is it such a big deal?"

Kel looked at Neal. His eyes held worry. His soft features made him look like some innocent youth, not a man hardened by war and disease, like he was progressively becoming. It hurt Kel to know that the worry in his eyes was partly for her. "Kel?"

Finally, Kel spoke. "He kissed me and offered me Midwinter luck." She watched as Neal shrugged at the normalcy of the situation. "That's what Cleon said the first time he kissed me."

She stood up and walked to the window, leaning on it. She felt the cold glass against her cheek and the palm of her hand. "Besides," she said, looking out the window, "I don't love him."

"Then why are you still wearing his necklace, even though you are so angry at each other?" Kel instinctively put her hand to the strand around her neck and fingered it. "Don't think I haven't noticed, Kel." Neal said.

Kel looked at him, then turned away again. Did she love Dom? No, she couldn't. she had had a crush on him when she was a squire, but not any more. That had been when she was but a fickle youth. But then, she had no reason not to love him. Dom was kind and generous and beautiful and he loved her. He had never been anything but loving towards her, never been even the slightest bit rude or condescending, even when he was angry with her, until the past few weeks. So why didn't Kel love him? Why had she not fallen in love with him the instant she met him? She was young and foolish back then. She had taken him for granted as a friend, and now she had probably hurt him more than she could imagine. Maybe it was too late for her too learn to love him.

But maybe it wasn't.

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Well… this chapter turned out pretty well. The story is moving a bit faster than I would have hoped, but I had nothing to put in between, so it will stay as a fairly short story. Oh well.

Wake-Robin: Thanks! And of course!

Dreamerdoll: thanks!

PsychoLioness13: too true! That is sort of what this chapter is…

Lady of Masbolle: thanks! (actually, I stole that idea from you… I never even thought of it… so I must acknowledge your brilliance…)

Alenor: thanks!

Laelai: duh! Come on, I am the most predictable person ever. Of course!

BigBigStarr: I agree. If something is well written or expands on the characters, there is no reason for action. I find it is the same with plays. People will go and say 'that play was boring, there was too much talking.' And I'm just like, 'you're stupid! Just listen, its brilliant!' Anyway… back on topic…

Crystaltambaia: I go between. Sometimes I think he's a jerk, sometimes I love him. it depends.

alannalovingwriterL thanks! I actually do my best to make them 2000 words, unless I have a kickass ending…

Smiles28: yes, it is indeed different. It started a lot slower with the whole love thing, and though that is what all of my stories are about, there is a lot less chivalry in this one. A lot less heroics.

Atlanta Enchanted: ah, I hate it when I do that. That is exactly what I was hoping people would notice! Good job! Haha… and Kel still hasn't really gotten over Cleon, I don't expect she ever really will, and that could cause difficulties with Dom… bom bom bom… but who knows? It could turn out beautifully, it could turn out as a terror.

Well, tis all for now. I'm really sorry I took so long posting, I've been uber busy, and have way too many stories to think about now (I'm ending Aftermath… tear!) Well, please read and review, I shall try to update more often, though I must announce:

I AM TAKING A BREAK. EXAMS ARE IN TWO WEEKS, I REALLY NEED TO STUDY. I WILL NOT BE POSTING _AT ALL_ UNTIL AFTERWARDS. I MIGHT POST THIS WEEKEND, BUT IT IS NOT LIKELY! If I do post, please yell at me and tell me to go back to my studying. Thanks!

I know people are going to be bugging me for new chapters, and I haven't updated some of these stories in a really long time, but I can't really help it.

Love you all!

-unolimbo


	5. Chapter 5

"How am I supposed to know?"

Neal rolled his eyes. "I feel like such a girl, Kel, but you can feel it. See what happens when he kisses you."

Kel frowned. "And how exactly do I get him to do that?" She asked, smiling weakly.

Neal put his feet up on Kel's desk, leaning back. Use your imagination, dear Kel." He said with a grin.

Kel sighed. "Get out of my office, dear Neal, before I throw you out!" She walked over to Neal and lifted his feet high from the desk. He fell over backwards with a crash.

"Ow! Kel!" He said, rubbing the back of his head. "That sort of hurt!" He stood up, grumbling. "Fine, but I'll be coming back for all the gossip."

Kel grinned. "Of course, Neal." She said, pushing him out of the room.

Kel went to look for Dom after Neal had left. She found him outside the soldiers barracks, speaking with Merric.

They both nodded politely to Kel as she approached, and she nodded in return with a commanding air. She held her head high and greeted them properly. "Afternoon," she said.

Dom nodded. "Afternoon, commander." He said formally.

"Afternoon, Kel." Merric said, uneasily. He knew the dangers of standing between Kel and Dom was like standing next to a lit fuse.

"You're dismissed, Merric." Kel said, staring straight at Dom. He stared at her in return, his face showing no emotion. Merric bowed nervously and inched away backwards before turning and walking quickly.

"Walk with me, Dom." Kel said warmly.

"I'd rather not, thanks."

"That's an order, sergeant."

"Good to see you exercising your control." Dom said, walking. They walked slowly, keeping an arms length away from each other, still staring. Kel hoped she wouldn't trip.

"I do my best, thanks." She said.

Kel marched him over to her office in headquarters, the two of them politely throwing insults at each other the entire way.

"What can I do for you, commander?" Dom asked, leaning against Kel's desk. His hands were in his pockets, and he was still trying to be formal and condescending at the same time. Kel understood. She was in the exact same situation as him.

But not at this moment. At this moment she was risking her neck on a whim. On one of Neal's whims, at that. She knew she would regret it afterwards, but she couldn't help it; she had to know. Without answering his question, she quickly walked up to him and kissed him.

She lifted her hands to his face, but he did not move, shocked. He stood up from the table after a few seconds, leaning towards Kel, before she pulled away, still holding him close to her.

"That was unexpected."

Kel put a hand to Dom's lips, shushing him. "Did you feel anything?" She asked, looking confused.

"What?"

"Neal said you would feel it." She said, stepping away and pacing a few steps, chewing her thumb nail as she thought.

Dom smiled at Kel for the first time in over three months. "I think I understand. And that's not necessarily true. If we only knew we loved someone when we kissed them, very few of us would end up with the right person."

Kel frowned. "Then what's the point?"

Dom shrugged. "It can just be natural, a human instinct. You like someone, and you're with them, and suddenly you think to kiss them. It just seems like the right route to take. Sometimes you're right. And sometimes you're not."

He looked at the ground, but Kel just smiled. "It was the perfect thing to do." She said.

He looked up, confused. "Really?"

Kel nodded. "It was, I just didn't know it then. I guess I didn't really get it. Maybe telling me would have been easier, but of course, maybe telling you now would have been better. It certainly would have been easier, but I'm still not sure what I would have done then. And now I'm rambling."

Dom was grinning at her, leaning again on the desk, his arms crossed over his chest as he watched Kel. He was clean shaven and his hair was combed, but wind had blown it all over, and his tunic and breeches were wrinkled, his boots scuffed. He had been on patrol that morning, early. There were bags under his blue eyes from lack of sleep, but he looked content.

Kel sighed. "That kiss – it scared me. The first time Cleon kissed me, he offered me Midwinter's luck."

Dom nodded slowly. "O." He said. "I guess that makes sense. But you can't push yourself away from your friends every time someone does something that Cleon once did. It's going to happen a lot, and if you don't move past it, it will drive you mad."

Kel sighed. "To put it bluntly." She said with a chuckle. She stepped over to the window and looked out. She felt as if she was looking for something that was to come, as if Cleon would come riding into the camp at any moment. Kel knew that was impossible, but she still always hoped for it. Did she still hope for that now? It wasn't that she didn't love him any more, it was just that Dom was right, she had to move past it. It was already driving her mad. "He'll always be in my heart," She said softly, "he just won't be the only one." She quickly turned from the window and looked at Dom, her eyes flashing. "I've kept myself locked up in here so long," she said angrily, "that when I came out, I didn't know what to do. I alienated my friends, ignored my duties, I was horrible to you – all for someone who left me forever!" She threw herself into one of the chairs in front of her desk.

Dom pushed himself off of the desk slowly, as if he was very tired. He sat down in the chair beside Kel. "He didn't leave you," he said, "he was taken away. There is a difference, and that difference is the world."

Kel shook her head. "It doesn't matter, does it?" she asked, sighing, "I understand it all now. And I feel terrible for it."

Dom smiled. "You would." He poked her, and she flinched. "But stop beating yourself up over it. it happens to the best of us. You, for example. And it doesn't mean you're weak, or unworthy, or anything like that. Hell, it probably would've happened to me."

"But you said-"

"I know what I said, and that still stands true. But it's different, then men you would save on the battlefield and men you would die for."

Kel nodded. "Enough, Dom. I put myself out on the line here, and now I know how you feel, and I want to say that I'm sorry for the way I acted." She stood up and paced again, uncomfortable with what she was feeling.

Dom stood as well, but did not move any closer to her. "Apology accepted," he said with a smile. "and I too apologise for being so awful."

Kel nodded to him. "Very well." She said, grinning. "Is there anything else I can do for you, sergeant?"

Dom stepped towards her. "One thing, commander." He said, bringing his hand up to her face. "What about now?" He whispered, his hand hovering only millimetres away from Kel's face.

"What about now?" Kel asked.

"May I?"

Kel smiled. "Yes, you may.""

He kissed her once, softly, lightly. He pulled away and grinned. "I don't have to ask this time, right?"

Kel laughed. "No Dom, you don't."

He kissed her again. Much more passionately, but no more lovingly – every time he kissed her, no matter how, Kel still felt the same way about him. As he pulled her closer to him and she wrapped an arm around his shoulder, Kel felt strange. She was wrapped up in the passion of it, and they were pulling themselves closer and closer together still – but Kel was not sure if she was comfortable clinging to him, comfortable with him holding her tightly. It was not the she wasn't enjoying it, because she certainly was. It wasn't that she wanted to pull away to catch her breath, because she didn't. She just wasn't sure if it felt right.

This is silly, she thought. I am not uncomfortable with this. I'm just nervous and worried. But I am doing the right thing. And in her heart, she truly believed it.

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YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I UPDATED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Is it wrong that I am the one happiest with this situation?

Smiles28: I know what you mean… sigh oh well, there is more to life than pretty things! Though I must say, I wouldn't say no to a shiny.

Atlanta Enchanted: thank you! (and yes, exams do need to hurry up – I will be able to update everything if they do)

BigBigStar: thank you! That is so nice!

Lady of Masbolle: thank you! Wow, that is a lot of author alerts. I don't even know what author alerts are!

PsychoLioness13: thank you ever so much, and thanks for wishing the luck stuff. (how's that for writing, eh?)

Erkith: funny, a few people have said that…

Heartdamoose: making people cry means that I have succeeded! Huzzah for tears! Where'd you get that quote? I've heard it in a web comic before, I can picture it, I just don't remember what comic it was… hmm…

Nikia-mysticQUEENofFIRE: thank you. That is a great compliment, let me say.

Heartdamoose (again): thank you kindly! And I didn't even realize you had to get between the lines. I try my best to use imagery and stuff, but then I get bored and realize I'm not actually very good at it.

Dreamerdoll: I'm sorry, ok? It's true, though… I don't do anything when I get distracted by writing. It gets kinda annoying.

Ossini: thanks!

Jennyvre Moss: I completely agree. I think I split them about evenly, as far as I can remember.

Laelai: I did… or did I? Yes, yes I did.

Alenor: I agree, she really needs some lovin'.

FanFictionFantom: ooh, alliteration! Sorry… Thank you. I have always thought that Dom and Kel were meant to be together (especially since TP practically said it at the end of Lady Knight), but he is in the books so little that it's hard to give his character flaws, because I am basically making him myself, or subconsciously copying him from other writers. Because he is so one dimensional, I find it difficult to write him – he usually ends up being a knight in shining armour who can do nothing but save Kel from whatever hell has befallen her. But he's not like that! He's a man, he can be a jerk, and people really need to realize that! (no offence meant to men… I can be a jerk too)

Alannalovingwriter: thank you!

Wake-Robin: thanks!

Well, that shall be all for tonight. Please enjoy the fact that I actually updated. Just so you all know: I have quite a few ideas for this story, I hope; I'm writing in a notebook all the time. Aftermath will be ending soon, Time will be continuing indefinitely, and I am not going to update Baby Steps until I come up with something that I really like. I hope this will quench your thirst for information. Now I must be away – I am going to attempt to update Aftermath and finish it.

Goodnight!

"If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.

Better not take a dog on the space shuttle, because if he sticks his head out when you're coming home his face might burn up."

There are two there because I am weird and can't remember if I posted the first quote already. I really haven't been good about the quote thing… got to get back on track!

-unolimbo


	6. Chapter 6

Slowly, Kel pulled herself away from him. "We've done enough talking for now, I think." She said, smiling. "The rest will come later. Now I actually have work to do. I have to show up for dinner. But come and meet me here afterwards."

Dom kissed her forehead. "Fine. But only because I'm hungry." He frowned. "We've been hating each other for so long that I don't know what to do any more. I don't remember how I acted around you before."

Kel shrugged. "It's not really like before, is it? Before, you hadn't agreed to meet me in private after dinner." She grinned. "I don't want to have to explain it to so many people. Let's figure it out afterwards."

Dom smiled. "Good afternoon, Kel." He said, and stepped out to change out of his dirty clothes before dinner.

Barely seconds later, Neal bounded in. "I saw him leave! What happened?"

Kel shook her head, chuckling. "I don't know what you want me to say to you, Nealan."

Neal sighed. "Nothing?"

Kel shrugged. "It didn't feel like anything. Then we talked."

Neal's face fell.

"Dom told me to ignore anything you said to me ever again."

He grinned again. "Kel, that's perfect!"

"Thanks for the advice, Neal." Kel said. "However wrong you were, it did the trick. It's getting late. Should we head down to dinner?"

Neal grinned. "You know I can't say no to that." They walked down to the mess hall together, feeling the warm spring air on their skin. Kel warned Neal not to say anything and walked quickly. She wanted to see Dom again, and the faster dinner happened, the faster she would be in her room, waiting for him.

She smiled weakly as she took her place at the head of the table. Dom was conveniently on the other side of Neal, who was next to Kel. "Evening," she said, nodding to everyone at the table.

The evening passed as it often did, with Kel and Dom passing threats at each other possibly more often than normal. The difference was that they and Neal were trying quite hard not to laugh as they did.

Kel walked back to her room alone, as Dom stayed back and milled with the soldiers for a few moments. Kel had just found her schedule and was about to catch up on some of the work she had missed during the day when Dom appeared.

"You came." Kel said with a smiled.

Dom rolled his eyes. "Well, of course I came, Kel." He stepped closer and leaned over her desk. "Anything new?"

Kel shook her head, setting the book back on her desk. "Not since the I saw you three minutes ago." She stood up and stretched her arms until Dom caught her eye. She paused, then stepped closer to him.

Dom wrapped his arms around Kel and hugged her warmly. "Thanks, Kel." He said softly.

A voice inside Kel's head, a voice that given it's opinion many times before, spoke up again. It told her to do things she did not want to do.

With a sigh, Kel lifted a hand. "No, Dom." She said, silently cursing her conscience.

He dropped his hands to his side. "For Mithros' sake, Kel, we talked about this."

Kel shook her head. "You didn't remind me of anything, Dom. It was just- I'm not sure what it was. But I've got this feeling inside of me that's telling me to walk away from this and not turn back. I don't want to get hurt again, Dom, because when I do, I don't do my job. When Cleon died, I didn't do anything for three days, and I'm still barely back into it all. New Hope must come first in my life.

"I'm sorry if I break your heart, Dom, but it is better now than later. You said it yourself. _People die all too often in these conditions_, and I cannot afford to stop leading every time someone does." She sighed. "I'm sorry, Dom."

He didn't say anything. He merely stared at her with blank eyes. His eyes made it difficult for Kel to know what he was feeling. He looked as if nothing had happened, but his face changed as Kel stopped talking. "You're serious." He whispered. Kel nodded, still maintaining her Yamani mask, staring back into his eyes. "Kel, why now?"

Kel shrugged. "I don't know. I wish I could tell you. I wish I could tell you everything about me, everything I've always kept inside of myself."

"You can…"

"No!" Kel said sharply, not allowing herself to fall into the trap she had so easily set for herself. "Don't you see? It's not about whether I let you bed me or not. It's about whether I let you inside my hear. And telling you everything would mean opening myself to you, and I just cannot risk that."

She stepped away from him, towards the door that connected her office to her own room. She looked back at him for barely a second, then continued through the door and slowly pushed it shut behind her.

A tear fell down Kel's cheek, but she quickly wiped it away with the palm of her hand, not bothering to take out her handkerchief. She leaned her back against the door for a moment until she heard Dom walk away. How could she have been so stupid? She didn't mean to lead him on like that, but she hadn't put two and two together before that moment. She hadn't realized it. but she was glad she had the courage to do it when she did. It would have been even worse if she had waited.

She left her room a few minutes later and walked through the cool night air. She could see few stars as she looked up at the night sky. The moon was bright and full that night, drowning out all other lights. Kel imagined where they really were, how far away they were from her. She named as many constellations as she could. Perseus, Orion, Aquarius, Cassiopeia. That one had always been her favourite.

When she was young, when her mother had taught her about the stars, Kel had always asked her to point out Cassiopeia. She had been to young to find it herself, but she loved its name. It held such romance to her. She knew the story of the boastful Roman goddess, forever chained to her throne as punishment for her arrogance. She loved how the name rolled off of her tongue, the sound of the vowels mixing together.

She looked at the stars now, wondering if the had changed as much as her in the time since she had last stared at them so.

She walked towards the mess hall where she knew everyone would be socializing. Sure enough, when she reached the mess hall, she could hear laughter and music echoing into the square. Everyone who owned an instrument or knew how to play one was playing them, and there were two long lines of people in the centre of the room, with couples dancing down the line between them.

Kel liked to watch them dance. It reminded her that although they were stuck in a poor refugee camp in the north where no one cared about them, they were still people. They still had lives to live and people to love, families to raise and jobs to do. Kel walked around the clapping crowd, her hands thrust in her pockets, her feet scuffing against the floor as she didn't look where she was going.

She heard someone call her name from across the room, but she chose to ignore it. When she saw Neal jumping up and down, waving his arms over his head, she could ignore it no more. She waved weakly back to him and slowly made her way around the dancers to where he was sitting.

A few of her friends were there, sitting on a bench at the side of the room. Others still were dancing. Merric and Eurgain were in the process of skipping gaily down the rows of dancers.

Neal grinned. "He's smitten." He said.

Kel nodded. "Completely." As much as she loved seeing them together, it made her wonder if they would ever actually be happy. Would Merric's parents be willing to let him marry a noblewoman who worked for a living? It was an uncommon thing, unless that woman was a mage or a healer. She sighed. "Can anyone ever really be happy, Neal?" He looked at her, confused. "Their families have probably already arranged marriages for them," Kel said. you and Yuki have been engaged for two years now with nothing happening. My life just makes no sense at all. How am I supposed to know what to do?"

Neal sighed. "You don't, Kel. That's part of life. You learn from your mistakes, you learn from others. You sometimes hurt your friends in the process, but afterwards, you are better for it, and if they are really your friends, they will forgive you." He looked at her and sighed. "What did you do this time, Mother?"

"I messed up again, Neal. I thought I was making the right decision, and I still do, but it hurts."

Neal put his arm around her shoulder. "And one day, you'll know for sure. And if your love is true, maybe he'll want you back." He looked at her sternly. "But don't go thinking that he'll wait for you. Sometimes when you make a bad choice, you can never go back, and sometimes, it can change your life forever. That's when you have to be strong. And that's when our Lady Knight is at her best!"

He took her by the hand. "Come on, Kel, let's dance! Seeing me fall on my face will make you feel so much better, right?"

Kel grinned. "Well, I guess it will have to do." As much as she did not want to dance, she didn't want to have to sit and talk either. And while she was certainly not a very talented dancer, Neal and Merric were, if it was possible, even worse. Kel soon found herself laughing and dancing along with everyone else. Though she was having a good time, Kel retired early. She had an emotionally exhausting day, and she was ready for bed.

"I'll walk back with you," Eurgain said. "I'm exhausted!"

The two women walked in the warm spring air. "Did this seem like a bad winter to you?" Kel asked.

Eurgain frowned. "Not that I know of, Lady Kel."

Kel sighed. "Never mind. So how are you, Eurgain? We noticed you were having a nice time tonight." She joked.

A blush rose in Eurgain's face, and she looked away. "I'm sorry if I was inappropriate." She said.

Kel shrugged. "Don't worry, you were fine." There was a pause. "Do you want to marry him?"

Eurgain sighed. "I honestly have no idea." She looked up. "Is that bad?"

Kel shook her head, smiling. "How old are you?"

"Eighteen this summer."

Kel nodded. "I'm twenty one and I still have no idea whether I'm ever going to marry or not. I know I want children, some day – hopefully a long way off – but for now, New Hope is the love of my life. And while I do hope very much that you would decide to stay with us if you married, I grant you permission, as your commander, to marry my military commander." She grinned. "Heck, I give you permission to get married here, as long as I know I won't lose two of my most important workers."

Eurgain smiled. "Thank you, Lady Kel. But I don't know. He hasn't said anything, I'm afraid it might just be for while he's here. You know, there's nothing better."

Kel shook her head. "I know Merric. He's a very passionate person, and a very loyal one. He will stand by you, Eurgain. Maybe he will only stand by you as a lover for a while, but I don't think that is likely. He will always stand by you as a friend, either way." She grinned. "I can beat the information out of him, if you like."

Eurgain shook her head, laughing. She brought a slender hand up and brushed a soft red lock of hair out of her face. Kel knew why the girl was worried. She was quite easily the most beautiful girl in the camp, and she was afraid that Merric loved her only for that. Love for beauty is not real love.

"You haven't anything to worry about. Merric is attracted to shiny jewels, but he keeps them because he loves them and he knows their worth."

Eurgain thanked Kel again, and the two women parted ways, Kel to her room, Eurgain to her own as well.

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Well, that is all for now… exams are finally over, and though I will not be in school, I will certainly be busy! I will do my very best to update as often as I possibly can… but I'm sort of hoping to get out at least a few times before Christmas! But don't worry, I will update as often as I can…

Atlanta Enchanted: thanks! I love making people cry! Jokes, don't worry. It's not that she doesn't love him – she does. She just realized that if she loves him, she's going to be caring more about his wellbeing than the wellbeing of the refugees – the people she's supposed to be protecting. So I'm afraid that you can't have him! (awww….)

Dreamerdoll: heehee, no worries! And I will try to update again soon…

FanFictionFantom: you did indeed get a long answer! Huzzah! Anyway, I know how you feel about Cleon. Hey, I'm the one who killed him, now didn't I!

Rowenhood: I have no idea. It completely depends on when I run out of ideas. I've used most of my ideas in my other stories, but when I have different set ups of characters, I have different plots. So I end up with all sorts of different stories, even though most of them start of similar. I don't even remember what I was saying before… distracted by Harry Potter… ugh.

Wake-Robin: course not!

Lady of Masbolle: oh well. I don't really read many fanfictions anyway. I never seem to get around to it…

BigBigStar: ooh, that makes me happy. Maybe I should actually bother to read them…

Alenor: yes, she and Dom do belong together, I agree. But conflict is storytelling. If I had no conflict, there would be nothing to say. That's why my stories after big conflicts are so boring with nothing but fluffy dialogue. I run out of things to say!

Numairs-Wild-Magelet: ooh, plot bunny! He sounds fuzzy!

Well, 'tis all for today. I hope that this is okay, I didn't think it turned out too well… oh well. I am having a bit of writer's block in this story… I know what I want to do far off, but I don't know what I want to do _right now_. It is very difficult to figure out what my conflict is going to be. I've done my first one, and I know the one I have for further off, but it might take me a while to come up with the one for now.

If anyone understood anything of that, congratulations.

"Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the persons house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of it's head with a note that says "You." After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done."

-unolimbo


	7. Chapter 7

The next morning, Kel was up and ready to work by dawn. She was ready to be back into her work. She hadn't really been enthusiastic about it since Cleon died, but now she was ready to give it her full attention again.

She also knew that when she was working, she wasn't thinking of Dom.

She did a quick pattern dance in the morning while Jump and the sparrows observed silently. Afterwards, she checked the morning activities to make sure everything was running smoothly. Jump ran along beside her, and the sparrows flew around her head. They were glad to have their Kel back.

She went to the kitchen to see how breakfast was coming.

"Morning, Sir Keladry!" One of the convicts working in the dish pit called out, waving to her. Kel smiled. He didn't have much to do before the meal, but the men and women cooking the breakfast didn't even notice her.

"Everything alright back here?" She asked.

"Jasper burned the bread!" Someone called out.

Kel frowned. "Is it still edible?" She asked. They couldn't afford to use more food than they needed to.

A young man near her, covered in flour, nodded quickly. "It's only singed a bit, sir! I promise!"

Kel smiled. "Very good," She said, "just be careful."

She went to the infirmary next. It was quiet, only a few people in it, all of them sleeping. "Morning, Kel!" Neal whispered audibly, poking his head out of his office. "Come in!" He said, waving her towards him.

"Morning, Neal." She said when he closed the door. "Just doing a daily check. I've decided that it's an important thing to do."

Neal nodded. "Of course. Everything's pretty good around here. A woman came in this morning with morning sickness, I let her stay here and get some sleep. There's an old man on his last legs in the corner, I'd be surprised if he lasts the rest of the day. He's had a good run. Almost eighty, and a peasant at that."

Kel smiled. "These people are strong," she said. "I've got to check with the wall guards. I'll see you at breakfast."

Neal nodded. "Bye, Kel." He said.

Kel jogged across the square towards the front wall. She walked carefully up the stairs – it had been a while since she had tested her limits with heights – and bowed the man at the top. "Morning, soldier," she said, as he bowed to her in return. "Anything new outside?"

He shook his head. "No sir, the cattle have been calm all night, and there has been no other unusual activity, either."

Kel nodded her head in thanks and began her descent of the stairs as the guard pulled out his spyglass for another look. "Sir, wait!" He said quickly.

Kel turned and bounded back up the stairs to him. "What is it?" She asked, peering out into the forest.

"On the road, sir, a few miles out; there's something. Single figure, on foot."

"Tortallan?"

He shook his head. "I can't tell from here, sir. But she's female."

Kel took the spyglass from the man and searched the road. Sure enough, there was a young woman far along the road, moving slowly and precisely towards New Hope. "Scanran," Kel said, squinting at the girl.

She folded the spyglass up and handed it back to the guard. "I'll handle it from here. Carry on, soldier," she said, bowing again and walking down the stairs as quickly as her legs would allow her. "Tobe!" She called out, seeing the boy across the square. He turned and ran up to her.

"Morning, Lady." He said.

Kel smiled. "Morning, Tobe. Can you please prepare Hoshi and take her to the front gate for me? Just saddled and bridled, please – no fighting gear. I need Merric's horse as well, and bring an extra – a slow one, preferably."

The young boy nodded and ran off in the direction of the stables. Kel went to the soldiers barracks next. She went in and knocked on Merric's door. He opened it, still looking sleepy.

Kel sighed. "First of all, Merric, you know you should be out of bed by now, and secondly, get dressed. I need you at the front gate in five minutes. There's someone on the road. Bring your sword, but I don't think we need more than leather armour. It's just a young girl."

Merric disguised a yawn with a nod. "Be right with you." He said sleepily, closing the door.

After running back to her room and strapping on a leather breastplate under her tunic, Kel walked back to the front gate and called up the stairs to the guard. "Still on the road?" She asked.

"Yes sir," the guard called. "Moving pretty slowly, but she seems to be trying to get here."

"Thank you, soldier!" She called up to him as she saw Tobe and Merric approach. Tobe held out Hoshi's reins for her and Kel mounted. "Tobe, I'm going to be signaling to that guard up there. If he tells you something is wrong, I want you to run and get a squad of men to help us, alright?"

The boy nodded. "'course, Lady." He said, and settled himself at the bottom of the stairs as the gate opened a crack for Kel and Merric to ride out.

They had been galloping for barely ten minutes on the road when they caught sight of the girl a few hundred yards away. Kel brought her horse to a halt and checked her surroundings. There was nothing.

"She's alone." She said, loudly enough for Merric to hear her. Kel took out her sword and rode slowly up to the girl as Merric pulled out his bow and aimed an arrow at her. Kel came to a stop a few feet away from her.

She looked up at Kel, this starved, dirty, young girl. "What's your name?" Kel asked in the common tongue. The girl just stared at her. "Who are you?" Kel asked in Scanran.

"Someone of no consequence." She said, picking up her feet and beginning her trudge again. "I'm simply passing through." With that she walked past the two riders.

Kel quickly rode past her and blocked the girl's path with her horse. "I asked you your name." The girl still did not answer. "Where are you headed?"

"Corus."

Kel sighed. "Number one, you are going in the wrong direction. You chose the wrong fork. Number two, you are half dead and a four days ride to Corus – in good conditions, on a fast horse. You wouldn't make it there alive. Number three, you are a Scanran girl. Not a Tortallan girl. You will not be as welcomed as you might think if you just stroll in there yourself."

The girl glared at her. "I don't care."

Kel smiled. "Of course," she said, "but if you'd like to change your mind, we've got an extra horse to take you, a bed, and a hot meal waiting back at the camp."

The girl stared at Kel long and hard. She looked determined, but weakened by hunger and cold. "Are you going to send me back?" She asked after a moment.

Kel shook her head. "Not if you don't want to go back. You are welcome here. This is a refugee camp, full of people like you. Stuck in a place they don't belong. What's your name?" Kel asked again, knowing that the girl would soon be getting on the horse and joining them.

"Perrin." The girl said after a pause, leaning forward slightly, eyeing the empty horse. Kel nodded, and Merric let go of the reins and pushed the horse towards the girl so she could mount.

"And don't think of running, we have much faster horses than you, and we can shoot while riding. Don't think we won't." Kel said sternly as the girl mounted.

Perrin nodded again, and they began the walk back to New Hope.

"Kel, what are you doing?" Merric hissed. "You have no idea who this girl is! She could have been followed, or she could be trouble!"

Kel rolled her eyes. "Don't be so melodramatic, Merric. I am perfectly aware of the dangers this girl holds." She sighed. "She's just a child. She's a starving young girl in a foreign country. She's lost. I'm going to find out who she is and why she's going to Corus, and then, if there's nothing left, I'm going to send her on her way."

Merric gaped at her. "You are a madwoman, Mother."

Kel shrugged. "We'll see." She said with a smile. "We'll see."

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Well, I hope everyone enjoyed it! I'm sorry it took such a bloody long time, but I've been busy. It's only been three weeks, right?

HeartKel: Ok, it seems I'm weird and can't read. That comment last time about the plot bunny was supposed to be for you. Don't know how that happened. Aww, no more plot bunny? That always sucks. And don't worry, it will all work out for the best in the end.

Alenor: Thank you! And thank you for understanding, it makes me very happy. Don't worry, the great thing about conflict is that it usually has a resolution.

Lady of Masbolle: I know, emotions are sad… but checking my facts on the spelling of the constellations and stuff was so much fun!

Jennyvre Moss: haha, it's true. Neal does make everything better.

Goddess Usagi: confusing? How so? Tell me why, I will be happy to oblige and explain anything to you.

Rowenhood: thanks!

Laelai: I know, I know!

Atlanta Enchanted: I'm afraid that she knows better than that. Don't you just hate common sense?

FanFictionFantom: I will, don't worry! I have been apart from my notebook a while… it's back now, which means more writing!

Heeardamoose: umm… very nice…

Smiles28: Tru dat. Thanks a lot!

AJ 4EVA: aww, I agree. Don't worry, it will happen!

Please read and review, people!

"The memories of my family outings are still a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all pile into the car - I forget what kind it was - and drive and drive. I'm not sure where we'd go, but I think there were some trees there. The smell of something was strong in the air as we played whatever sport we played. I remember a bigger, older guy we called "Dad." We'd eat some stuff, or not, and then I think we went home. I guess some things never leave you."

-unolimbo


	8. Chapter 8

Anyone who read the last chapter before I changed it, I have changed the girls name. It was Bandelle, which I decided I didn't like, and I changed it to Perrin. So if you see Bandelle, it means I've missed it when I went over this chapter again and changed it. Sorry, and just tell me and I'll change it.

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Kel gave the horses to Tobe when they returned to the camp. He took Kel's horse willingly, but paused when he saw Perrin. "My Lady!" He whispered to Kel. "My Lady, who is that girl?"

Kel shushed him. "Don't ask questions, Tobe. I will tell you what you need to know." She said sharply.

"But my lady, she is Scanran! I don't mean to be rude, my lady, but the refugees talk to me – I am one of them, they trust me – and they will not take well to a Scanran girl."

Kel stared down at the young boy. "Tobias Boon, I told you to take those horses to the stables." She said, her hands on her hips.

The young boy looked up at her hardened face and knew there was no changing her mind. "Come on, Hoshi. I'll give you some oats." He said, taking the reins again and walking away, stealing glances at Perrin as he went.

Kel walked back over to where Merric and Perrin were standing. The girl looked considerably more frightened now that she was inside the camp's walls, but Kel wasn't worried.

She took the girl by the arm and marched her to headquarters, pausing only to ask one of the soldiers wandering around to bring some breakfast to her office. Kel sat Perrin down in the chair opposite her desk and made sure that Merric had a guard posted at the door before taking her own seat behind her desk.

"Well, Perrin, I know your first name. I don't know anything else about you, and I don't like that."

Perrin stared at her.

"Welcome to New Hope," Kel said, not losing her stride whatsoever, "I am Lady Keladry of Mindelan, Lady Knight of Tortall. This is my camp. Would you like a place here?"

Perrin narrowed her eyes at Kel. "Why are you offering me this?" She asked, leaning forward slightly as if she were inspecting the knight.

Kel shrugged. "Why are you not accepting it?" There was a deep silence between the two of them. "Why don't you tell me why you're going to Corus? It's a very odd place for a poor Scanran to be going."

The girl looked away. "It's the largest city in the realm."

"So?"

"I was sure I could find work there." She looked away again. "Let me go." Kel shook her head, and Perrin spat on the floor in front of her.

Kel sighed. "I can't let you go. I would if I could, I promise. But it's difficult. There are reports to write, information to gather. For example, why Corus? It's more than the work."

Just then, Tobe came in carrying a small tray of bread and tea. "Thank you, Tobe," Kel said when he put it down on the desk. Tobe opened his mouth, but Kel raised her eyebrows and he closed it again.

"Eat." Kel said after Tobe left. The girl ate. A lot, and quickly. Kel was surprised at how she was not getting sick from eating so fast. "Now talk." Kel said, when the girl was done eating.

"I have nothing to say."

Kel sighed. "Very well," she said, pushing out her chair and walking over to Perrin. She took the girl by the arm again and marched her into the square, fumbling with the keys that hung from her belt. Upon finding the proper key, Kel opened the stocks and out the girl in.

Leaning down so the girl could see her, Kel spoke. "I'm sorry to do this to you, but you spit on my office and you refused to give me the information I know you hold. I am a gentle leader, or at least I like to think of myself as one. But I am only gentle when I am treated with respect. Respect me, and I will respect you willingly."

The girl stared at her. "Why not just have me killed? I know it's what you're going to do."

Kel ran her hand through her hair. "You haven't quite done anything wrong, you see. You've been forced to make some difficult decisions, and maybe you've made some bad choices. Everyone does.

"Look, I want to help you. I want to give you a job and a place to sleep, and a family, if you will take it, but I can only do that if you tell the truth."

Bandelle looked away from Kel again and clenched her fists. Kel noticed that her knuckles were split and bloody. Had she been fighting?

Shaking her head, Kel stood up and walked away. "I'll be back for you at lunch and we'll see what we can work out." She called over her shoulder to the girl.

With a sigh, Kel walked back to headquarters. She already knew this girl would be trouble. But Kel knew she had been fighting, she knew she had secrets. Kel didn't like having her in the stocks, she was just a child, probably only twelve or thirteen. But Kel didn't have time to worry about an enemy child who had stumbled into Tortall without knowing the language or the people or the landscape.

She couldn't give this child to one of the refugees to watch. They wouldn't understand her and she wouldn't understand them, and no one would be able to control her. Kel, deep in thought, felt herself hit something as she turned the corner into headquarters.

"Ouch!"

"Oh, I'm sorry-" Kel looked up. "Dom."

He looked up, rubbing his forehead. "Don't worry about it." He said quickly, rubbing his forehead once more and turning away from Kel and walking around the corner.

"Dom-" Kel called out, and he turned. "I'm sorry."

Dom looked at her for a moment. "You said that already."

Kel smiled weakly. "I know."

They both looked at each other until Kel turned away from him and stepped around the corner into her office.

Eurgain was waiting for her there. "Morning, Lady Kel." She said, standing up. "I'm sorry I wasn't here this morning, I just found out about this girl a few moments ago."

Kel shook her head. "Never mind. Eurgain, I need you to do me a favour."

"Of course." Eurgain said, sitting down and taking out her book and a quill. "Ready."

"The girl in the stocks. Perrin. She has secrets. She won't tell me the real reason why she is in Tortall, and she has seen some fighting. Her knuckles were bloody, and I want Neal too check her over for bruises and cuts in any other places. If he can't check her over without taking her out of the stocks, then you can take her over later. But she doesn't come out of the stocks, do you understand me?" Eurgain nodded, and Kel continued. "She knows something. I don't know what, and I don't even know if it's important. But I want you to find out. Do you speak Scanran?"

Eurgain nodded. "I'm not fluent, but I definitely understand it."

Kel nodded. "You are going to keep an eye on her. I know it will be difficult, but I just don't have time to do it myself, I've got a camp to run."

Eurgain nodded again. "Of course, Lady Kel. I'll do what ever I can."

Kel stood up and walked to the window. She could see Perrin in the stocks, unmoving. "She's just a child, Eurgain. I don't know how she got here." She said, shaking her head.

Eurgain smiled. "Well, Lady Kel," she said standing up and looking out the window beside Kel, "I certainly didn't know you when you were eleven, but from what Merric and Sir Neal have told me, you would have made that walk yourself, given the proper reasons."

Kel laughed. "That's a good point. I told Perrin I'd let her out at lunch. I want you to talk to her this morning and have Neal check her over. I'll be there at noon and I will interrogate her myself. Oh, and if she asks any questions, answer them, to your own discretion. I want her to be comfortable, to trust us. _Especially_ if she asks questions about yourself. I doubt she will, but I just want her to know that we are not keeping anything from her."

Eurgain nodded and went to the door. "Anything else I can do for you, Lady Kel?"

Kel shook her head. "That's all, Eurgain. Come report to me before lunch. And document every single thing Perrin asks or says."

Kel sat down behind her desk. It was already getting late in the morning, probably close to nine o'clock. She was behind in her work. She had been so ahead of schedule that morning, but this girl had thrown everything out of order. Kel worked at her desk for a long time, before realizing that she had not actually eaten yet that day.

After stopping in the kitchens for a roll, Kel went to the infirmary to check with Neal. "Kel!" Neal said when she came in. "Lovely to see you." He said, standing from behind his desk and walking over to her. "I hear you have a new child to take care of."

Kel frowned at him. "You've only heard?"

Neal shook his head. "Don't worry, I checked her out. You were right, she's been fighting. Knuckles bloody, a bit of a black eye that's faded, probably some interior damage that I can't see until I do a real check with her in the infirmary instead of the stocks."

Kel nodded and crossed her arms. "Fine. I'll give her to you as soon as I'm done questioning her."

Neal looked at her. "What in the name of Mithros is going on, Kel?" He asked. "Who the hell is she?"

Kel sighed. "I don't know, Neal. I'll tell you when I do."

"That's not good enough, Kel! You can't have this Scanran girl running around here-"

"She's not running around Neal, she's in the stocks-"

"You bloody well know what I mean!" Neal said, almost shouting. "The refugees are asking questions. They can tell that this girl is not one of their own. They aren't doing their work, they are going to start questioning your motives for having her here, Kel. You have to solve this _now_."

Kel frowned. "Don't you think I know that, Neal? I wanted to let her go, I tried to tell her that. I can't. Do you know how much trouble I could get in? She knows something. And there could be a lot more trouble if I didn't keep her and figure out what she knows!"

Neal looked at her for a moment. "I believe you, Kel" He said, "I really do. Just be careful. This girl could be a lot of trouble."

Kel smiled. "Thanks, Neal." She turned and walked out the door of Neal's office into the main room of the infirmary, Neal following her. "I don't understand why everyone is making such a big deal out of this girl. Even I am. And I will figure it out, don't worry." She looked around the infirmary. It was almost empty, four or five beds filled at the back of the room, a man getting a bad bruise on his arm, most likely a horse bite, healed by one of Neal's healers.

"I'm going to go see what I can get out of her. I'll come by later with Perrin, and you can have her for as long as you need."

Neal nodded. "Good luck, Mother." He said with a grin. Kel rolled her eyes and walked out.

She met Eurgain on her way to the stocks. "I didn't get anything out of her, Lady Kel, I'm sorry. She wouldn't say more than two words to me." Eurgain said apologetically.

"What were those two words?" Kel asked.

Eurgain smiled. "I got her name and I got that she came from the capital."

Kel stopped in her tracks. "What?" She cried. "She came from the capital?"

Eurgain nodded. "Yes, Lady Kel. It was all she said, I assumed she'd told you that as well."

Kel marched over to the stocks and stood just out of spitting distance. "What time is it?" She asked, staring at Perrin, who was trying to look up, but quickly gave up.

"Noon."

"Thank you." Kel said, taking out her keys and unlocking Perrin. The young girl stood up, rubbing her wrists, glaring at Kel. "Alright, Miss Perrin, you are going to sit down and tell me absolutely everything there is about you, or your predictions are going to come true and you are going to find your head rolling."

Perrin stared up at Kel, her eyes wide. She knew Kel was serious. The two of them stared at each other for a moment, until Perrin finally spoke.

"My name is Perrin Rathhausak, and I have come from Castle Rathhausak."

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Ooh, suspense! Huzzah! I'm terrified! Well, I hope that nice cliff hanger made everyone very, very happy. I know it did for me! It took me such a long time to figure out who this girl was going to be, and then it suddenly seemed so simple… why didn't I think of it before? Heehee… I'm excited to keep writing…

Atlanta Enchanted: Oh, the dead parrot. Love that one so much… "he's not dead, he's pining for the fjords!" "He's nailed to the bloody perch! Polly want a cracker! Polly want a cracker!" Oh, that's a classic. Anyway, that's almost exactly how I pictured it, too… though it didn't seem nearly so Monty Python-esque when I thought of it.

Goddess Usagi: that probably would be a good idea… heehee

Annmarie Aspasia: okay, okay… updates… and I'm glad you like it.

Wake-Robin: thank you!

Lady of Masbolle: ooh, India… shiny! Is it all destructed and shit? The papers said India, then they said Thailand, and they got all confusing, and I'm not too great with the geography stuff, so I don't even know if they're close to each other… oh well. I hope everything gets better for them. (Did anyone else hear that thing saying Canada was giving $75 million to the U.S.'s $20 million? Go us and our powers of helping! Booyah!)

HeartKel: I haven't decided yet. I never write Tobe into my stories very much because I just don't know his character well enough, but I don't know if I would write in a replacement for him…

Heartdamoose: I never thought of her as a creepy kinda person. Secretive, yes, intriguing, yes, but I never really got the creepy vibe from her. But I guess it's true, she is sorta creepy when you think about it.

Alenor: yay for resolution!

FanFictionFantom: ooh, shiny!

Rowenhood: yeah, I tried to write it that she was actually over Cleon himself very quickly, she had just told herself that she wasn't allowed to be over him. She was hating herself for getting over him, and was thus trying to force the bad memories back into her mind without realizing it. It's all psychological and shit. Doesn't make much sense.

Ari: Kel may be hurting Dom, but your spelling and grammar is hurting me. No offence to you, the whole AOL speech drives me sort of crazy. I understand made up abbreviations (heck, look at my last few paragraphs), but there comes a point where it just becomes undecipherable. Anyway, on to your review (which, while I may have been crazy rude, I very much appreciate)! Dom definitely won't fall in love with the Scanran girl, she's just a kid… I can't tell you if it will be happy or if Kel and Dom will end up together because I honestly don't know yet. But if you really want a good way to find out, look at the other stuff I've written. You may notice a pattern: it's all exactly the same. So you pretty much know what to expect, right? And you post stories by creating a username, going to _document manager_ and putting in your first chapter (just follow the instructions, they're really easy), then you go to _create story_ and put in the information it asks for. When you want to update, just put your chapter in the _document manager_ and then do the _update chapter_ thing. It's pretty simple.

Mage Light: yay for reading!

Well, that's all for today… my fingers and my legs and my back hurt from my incredibly un-ergonomic chair I've been sitting in all day, and I think I need some sleep. Good night!

"He was a cowboy, mister, and he loved the land. He loved it so much he made a woman out of dirt and married her. But when he kissed her, she disintegrated. Later, at the funeral, when the preacher said, "Dust to dust," some people laughed, and the cowboy shot them. At his hanging, he told the others, "I'll be waiting for you in heaven--with a gun.""

I feel like I've already used this quote, but I couldn't find it anywhere. Who cares, anyway – it is such a kick ass quote that it is still super funny every time you read it.

Happy New Year!


	9. Chapter 9

Eurgain put her hand to her mouth. "Lady Kel," she whispered, "this isn't good."

"I know!" Kel snapped. "I'll work it out."

She took Perrin by the arm again and walked her back to headquarters. "Eurgain, go get Merric for me. I need him and two guards who do not speak Scanran. I want them at headquarters _now_." Kel turned away, but before Eurgain had time to leave, she turned back again. "Maybe you should bring Neal and Dom as well. All my commanders."

Eurgain nodded and rushed off towards the soldiers barracks. Kel sat Perrin down in her office. "Talk." She said.

Perrin looked up at her. "What do you want me to say?"

Kel looked at her. She was scared, Kel knew that. But she was related to Maggur. Was she his daughter? Did she have information about him? The war was over, but as far as Kel knew, Maggur was still alive. Maybe Perrin knew something about him.

"What do you know about Maggur?"

Perrin shook her head slowly, tears welling in her eyes. "I can't, I can't-"

Kel pulled up a chair and leaned closer to her. "I need to know what is happening. I can help you if you tell me." She sighed. "I need to know what you know."

Perrin shook her head. "I can't, he'll know I told, he'll know where I am and he'll be able to find me!"

Kel shook her head. "No he won't. Maggur cannot just get into Tortall like that."

"I did."

Kel smiled weakly. "You are just a child. Few people would see you as a danger. Maggur, everyone knows who he is. He wouldn't get far."

Perrin stared at her. "I don't know what you want me to say." She said after a moment.

"Anything. Everything. Who you are, what you know about Maggur, what you know about the war." She stood up. "But wait just a moment. I need Eurgain here to record everything, and I'm sorry, but I need to have guards here. This is no longer a matter of letting you go."

Perrin nodded. "Does this mean you'll never let me go to Corus?"

Kel sighed. "I really don't know. I'd like to say you can, but it all depends on how well you cooperate."

Perrin nodded. "I will tell you whatever you want to know." She said, sitting up straight and looking at Kel.

A few minutes later, Eurgain came in with four guards and Kel's commanders. "Sit down." She said before turning to the guards. "One of you at the door, one of you in here. Anything you hear stays here. I hear one word of any of this from anyone other than these three," she pointed to Merric, Eurgain and Perrin, "and both of you spend the week in the stocks. And I am not exaggerating."

The guards looked frightened for a moment, then bowed. One man went outside and the other stood at attention at the door.

"Alright. Perrin, talk." Kel said as Eurgain took out her book and quill. Kel sat down with a sigh as Perrin prepared to speak. This day was going to be memorable, that was for sure. She ran her hands through her hair and settled down to listen to Perrin speak.

"My name is Perrin Rathhausak. Maggur Rathhausak is my uncle. My mother; his sister; and I have lived at Castle Rathhausak ever since he came into power when I was very young. I barely remember the town mother and I lived in before. I didn't want to go to the castle, it terrified me. Maggur terrified me, but he loved my mother more than anything, and she told me that he loved me. When I was at the castle, I learned things. I learned that Maggur was joining all of the tribes together. I thought it was the first good thing he had done.

"But then I learned that he was using those ties to attack Tortall. I didn't understand why. I knew that Tortall had never done anything to us, never attacked us. But I was young. As much as I disliked Maggur, I trusted him, and I trusted what he was doing. I believed that he had a good reason.

"But then war came. It never came to us, of course, but we felt it. We felt the rush of poverty that came over our people. We noticed that there were more people coming to the castle to ask Maggur for help. To ask for food. Many of them spoke of lost children. At first I thought it was because they had no food. But I heard other things. I spoke to the staff in the castle, was friends with their children. And soon their children disappeared as well. After a while, I was the only child left in the castle. I asked Maggur, but he didn't know why.

"Then, about three years ago, I heard about Blayce and his creatures. I also learned when Blayce was killed. Maggur was upset. Very upset. He practically went mad. He ordered more troops to go to Tortall, but they weren't ready.

"Maggur found another mage to make the creatures, not two months ago. They are not the same, but they operate on the same basic principals, the same magicks. They're not as powerful, but they still do a lot of damage. The mage he found is not as powerful as Blayce was, and along with being less powerful, the creatures needed more spirits. Maggur was running low on children, and one day he came for me."

No sound was made, other than the rapid scratching of Eurgain's quill as she raced to get down everything Perrin was saying.

"Being friends with the staff had its advantages. I was warned that they were coming for me in the morning. I wasn't supposed to know what I was going for, I was to be told I was going on a trip or something of the sort. But I knew what it was, and I was warned that it would happen. I stole a dagger from Maggur's room and when the lone guard came, I was ready. They only sent one because I wasn't supposed to know. But I got rid of him.

"I knew that now Maggur would be sure to come for me, not just to use me, but also because I had killed one of his soldiers. I had to leave Scanra. I took the dagger and ran. It was all I had. I didn't have time to get food or clothes, I didn't even get to tell my mother. I had never really had that much of a problem with the war. I mean, I didn't think it the best thing to do, but I tried not to think of it.

"But now I knew. Now I knew that Maggur wasn't trying to help our people, I knew I was in the wrong place. I had nothing to lose. I had to get to Tortall. I had to warn the king about the new creatures and the new army that Maggur was making."

Everyone stared at her for a moment. She had said so much. If she was right, then they did indeed need to warn the king.

Kel leaned forward towards her. "Do you know if he is planning on attacking again?"

Perrin nodded. "He is, I think. I don't know why else he would create more creatures and have more armies. I don't know when, but I think it should be soon. I think he was almost done when I left."

Kel nodded. "Thank you. Merric, I want you to send a messenger to Corus. The fastest rider you've got. We have to tell Wyldon about this, we have to tell him that this war is not over. Before you do, I want Eurgain to copy it into triplets, and I want two more messengers to go out afterwards, separately. We must make sure that they hear about this at the palace."

Merric and Eurgain nodded and left. "Perrin, you have those scrapes on your knuckles." Kel said calmly to the young girl. "Where did those come from?"

Perrin lifted her hand and turned it round to see her knuckles. She clenched them and unclenched them with a little wince in her eyes. "I forgot about that. There was a soldier near the border at an inn. There were a lot of them, a squad, I guess. One of them found me sleeping in the stables, and I hit him to stop him from calling out." She looked down. "I used my dagger again." She whispered.

Everyone in the room made the sign against evil on their chests, and Kel glanced at Neal. "Perrin," Kel said softly, "Neal needs to check you over for other injuries. He's going to take you to the infirmary."

Perrin nodded slowly and stood up. Neal beckoned her to the door, and put his arm around her shoulder as he led her out of the room.

Kel looked up. Dom leaning back in a chair across from her. She turned away from him quickly and closed her eyes. She wasn't ready for this, she hadn't had time to think. She realized now that she had not even thought of Dom since she had woken this morning. It was already getting dark, they had been talking for hours. She had eaten almost nothing all day, and she was stressed to no end.

She didn't want to deal with Dom. Kel sat down in her chair with a sigh and put her head in her hands.

"Kel-" Dom began, but Kel put up her hand to stop him.

"Please, Dom, not now. I need time to think. I need time-" She shook her head. "I don't know what I need to do."

Dom didn't say anything. Kel knew he wouldn't leave, and she chose to ignore him. She thought for what felt like hours, and by the time she finished, she didn't even remember what she'd thought about. When she opened her eyes, Dom was still looking at her.

Kel frowned. "What are you doing?" She asked.

Dom shrugged. "You told me not to speak."

"But I wanted you to _leave_." Kel said, exasperated.

Dom looked at her in all seriousness. "No you don't. You need me here. You're stressed out and you're scared."

"I don't!" Kel shouted, standing up. "I don't need you here, I told you that! I won't deny that I'm scared or I'm stressed out, but I do not want you here." She sat down again and put her head down on her desk. "I can't deal with you right now."

Dom leaned forward to her. "I don't want you to deal with me, Kel, I want to be here with you."

Kel looked him in the eye. "This is what I was talking about. Here I am, worrying about you. I should be worrying about Perrin and this inevitable war at my doorstep. I don't have time to think about all of this."

Dom stood up. "Fine. You want me to leave, Kel, I'll leave. Maybe I should be that messenger. Maybe I should take my entire squad and we should just go back to Corus. We're probably needed more there than we are here!"

Kel glared at him. "This is exactly what I am talking about! You cannot just leave. I am your commander! You leave when I dismiss you! I cannot let my heart guide me in this, Dom. And neither can you. I need you by my side, Dom." She said, rising and stepping towards him. "As a commander, not as a lover." She took him by the hand. "Please, Dom. Trust in me. When this is all over, fine. Do whatever you want. But for now, I need you to fight with me. To lead with me."

Dom stepped close to her. "I love you, Kel."

She closed her eyes and looked down. When she raised her head again, she had determination in her eyes. "You are dismissed, Sergeant."

Dom looked at her for a minute as she stood so tall, then turned and walked out the door.

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I hope you all enjoyed my tension and information filled chapter! I really enjoyed writing it, even though I have taken about eight hours to write it… it still made me happy, even though I just couldn't get enough emotion into it.

Mage Light: thank you!

Lady of Masbolle: Nope, not daughter. I knew I didn't want to do that, straight from the start. Too clichéd, I think. She's not evil, though. As I'm sure you could tell… but those guesses were pretty good!

Alenor: I was actually not very happy with the way it turned out. Oh well, you liked it, that's what's important!

Alannalovingwriter: I do love my suspense.

Rowenhood: thanks!

HeartLioness: cool, I was just thinking, 'who is this? Have I seen this name before?' That's exactly why he is in it so rarely. I wanted him in it in chapter 7, I believe it was, maybe 8 – I don't remember – because I wanted his skepticism, I wanted him. And of course she wouldn't behead him. That would be mean, and as Kel said, she's just a kid.

AJ 4EVA: thank you!

Annmarie Aspasia: Haha, that's true. But you know, just like writers always ask for people to review, people always ask writers to update! I know, the ending was difficult. It drives me crazy too, except that I know what happens next! Yay!

Atlanta Enchanted: I can always appreciate Monty Python, though I don't know enough of it to notice it at normal situations… it's usually just if…

CRAP. I LOST. BLOODY HELL. Okay, sorry about that. If you are wondering what just happened, I just remembered the game, and thus lost. Confused? Let me explain. You lose the game when you remember that you are in the game. As long as you don't remember you're in the game, you're still winning. If you remember it while doing anything that involves winning or losing (games, sports, etc.), it doesn't count, and there is a half hour waiting period after you lose in which you cannot lose. When you lose, you are not kicked out, you just start again. If you do lose, you must say it, and everyone around you who is in the game thus loses as well, and anyone not in the game is now in it. So… you're all in the game! This thing is international, people. It's BIG. No idea why, it just kicks ass. Tell all your friends.

Anyway, back to what I was saying: it's usually just if someone mentions it.

Smiles 28: yeah, she's not bad or anything, she's just scared and in danger. You know.

Lady-kitty: wow, that's a good response! Thanks!

PsychoLioness13: Yeah, that's one of the reasons I'm going a bit slow with this. I want to make sure I'm actually happy with my plots before I write them. And I'm glad Tobe was Tobe-like, that was what I was going for!

"If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did.""

This is possibly one of the funniest things ever, I love it.

Enjoy!

-unolimbo


	10. Chapter 10

Kel was distraught. She had never been so harsh with Dom. She had never missed him more than she did at that moment, even though she had seen him only moments earlier. It struck her as odd that Dom did not seem angry or despaired by Kel's remark, only slightly put out, or maybe disappointed. He didn't hate her, she thought.

Leaving her thoughts behind her, Kel went to look for Eurgain, finding her in her rooms, fervently copying her notes onto separate sheets of parchment. Kel let her be and went to find Neal. He would be almost done with Perrin now, and he certainly couldn't keep her in the infirmary.

"Ah, Kel, perfect timing!" Neal said almost too cheerfully when Kel stepped into his examining room. He instructed Perrin to stay put and led Kel into his adjoining office. "My suspicions were right." He said. "The knuckles, the shiner, a banged up knee, a bent nose that looks like she has pushed it back herself and a cracked rib that she won't admit to.

"She's been in a real fight. Something she's not telling us about, Kel." He sighed nervously. "This wasn't her running away from two separate guards with a knife in her hands. I just don't know why she'd lie about it."

Kel nodded. "I'll try and speak to her later. Do you need her for anything else? I suspect that she may be here for some time, and since the children have practice in a few minutes, I thought I'd take Perrin along."

Neal nodded. "Go ahead." He looked at her sternly. "Just be careful, Kel."

Kel smiled. "Don't worry, Neal, I'm not going to get into any trouble."

Kel took Perrin out into the square where the children were gathering for their before-dinner practice. "Okay, everyone," Kel said loudly, "this is Perrin. I'm afraid she doesn't speak the same language as all of you, she speaks Scanran. But I hope that you can all still include her in your activities."

The girls all looked up at Kel. She smiled and nodded, and the girls stepped forward and introduced themselves to Perrin, one by one.

As Kel watched, one girl appeared at her side, not integrating herself with the other girls. Kel looked down. It was Irnai, the seer girl.

"Why did you tell them she doesn't speak Tortallan?" She asked.

Kel frowned. "Because she doesn't."

Irnai looked up at her calmly. "Yes she does." She said happily before she turned and walked to join the other girls who had already introduced themselves and were getting their practice weapons.

Kel's mouth fell open. "Sorry girls, I am afraid that you will have to practice without me today. Maybe you can get someone from the Own to help you." She waded into the rabble of girls and grabbed Perrin by the arm. "You, on the other hand," she said fiercely, "are coming with me."

Moments later, Kel had sat Perrin down in her headquarters and called Dom, Merric, Neal, and Eurgain back.

"Speak." She said. "Tell me why you lied."

Perrin looked confused. "I don't understand," she said, still in Scanran.

Kel narrowed her eyes. "You speak common tongue. Tortallan. Tell me why you lied about it."

Perrin stared up at her. "I didn't lie to you!" She said.

Kel frowned. "My patience is growing rapidly shorter by the second, Miss Rathhausak! Now tell the truth."

"I didn't lie." Perrin whispered in Tortallan. "I didn't."

Neal and Merric glanced at each other behind Kel. What was going on?

Kel sighed. "If you didn't lie, tell me what you did do." She said calmly.

Perrin glared at her, but knew that again, she was beaten. "I never lied to you. I never said I did not speak Tortallan. But I pretended I did not. I don't know why. It just seemed like the right thing to do." She looked down. "I'm sorry."

Kel sighed. "Is there anything else you want to tell us?"

Perrin looked up at her with blank eyes. "No." She said after a minute.

Kel stood up and walked to the back of the room where Neal was standing. "What do you think?"

Neal shook his head. "It's incredibly likely that she is lying. Why would she tell the truth? To her, we are the enemy. Her enemy. Why should she trust us?"

Kel nodded in agreement. "You talk to her, Neal. You're better at this than me, and you understand her injuries and what they could be from."

Neal nodded. "I'll do what I can. May I speak to her alone?"

Kel nodded. I'll leave someone at the door, just in case."

"Let's go." Kel said, signaling to Merric, Dom and Eurgain to join her. They all walked out, leaving Neal and Perrin alone.

"Kel, I'm on duty in fifteen minutes. May I be dismissed?"

"Oh, me too, Kel, I've still got to finish those letters so you can send them."

Kel nodded and dismissed both Merric and Eurgain, then turned to Dom. "Well," she said, "I guess that leaves you. You are on guard until Neal dismisses you. Have fun."

She turned and walked into her room.

She was reviewing her schedule of the day and seeing how much of it she had actually missed when someone knocked on her door.

"Come in." She said.

"Actually," a voice said from the other side of the door, "I think it would be easier if you came out."

Reluctantly, Kel rose and opened the door. "Dom," she said with a frown, "aren't you supposed to be guarding the door?"

He smiled weakly. "I am. That's why I asked you to come out."

Kel crossed her arms over her chest as she stood on one side of the door, Dom the other. "Fine. What do you want?"

Dom shrugged. "I don't know," he said. "You tell me."

Kel looked him in the eye. He stared straight back, his eyes boring into hers. Why was he putting her through this? She had told him she did not want to be his lover. Why was he persisting?

"I don't know what you want me to say," she said finally, shaking her head.

"Anything, Kel, just say something to me." He said desperately.

Kel couldn't help but feel sorry for him – he was pleading with her, desperate. She shook her head. "I'm sorry, Dom, but I can't. This isn't where I should be right now. I should be concentrating on the havoc that is being wreaked on my camp."

"Aren't you ever going to think of what is best for you?"

"What is best for me," Kel said hotly, "is no matter to this country. The king is not concerned with one knight, he is concerned with the hundreds of refugees and soldiers living within the confines of this camp! He is concerned with his people!"

"You are one of them!"

Kel was almost yelling now. "That is not important! We are in a war, Dom! No one has time to think about these things!"

"You can't fight a war when you are unhappy! You most of all should know that!"

"You are the one making me unhappy!"

Dom opened his mouth, then closed it again. "You may not have noticed this," he said calmly, slowly, as if he were choosing each word with all his heart, as if every word were to be his last, "but life gets a lot more difficult for both of us when we try to be enemies instead of lovers."

Kel ran a hand through her hair. "This is ridiculous, Dom. I've told you time and time again, I don't have the time or the energy to spare to think about you."

"You think about me more now than you ever did."

Kel frowned. "How would you know that, may I ask?"

Dom shrugged. "Because I do the same for you." He said calmly. "Now, if you will excuse me," he said, as Neal opened the door to Kel's office and brought Perrin out, "but I have some work to do now." He turned and walked away.

Neal looked at Kel, concerned. She stood where she was her brow furrowed, her arms crossed. "Are you alright, Kel?" Neal asked.

Kel looked at him and smiled bravely. "I'm fine." She said. Why did their partings all seem to end with Kel standing there, dumbstruck by something that Dom had said?

It had only been a day since their parting, but that reunion had only lasted a day in itself. How long had it been now, not counting yesterday, since she had spoken kind words with Dom? How long had it been since she had truly been happy?

Neal made Perrin go and sit in Kel's office while he spoke to Kel. "I was correct, she was in a fight. Four guards at once. She refused to go into detail, but she killed them all. She said they made her angry. I have reason to believe they may have hurt more than just her surface, Kel. Who knows what goes through those men's minds when they see a twelve year old girl walking alone."

Kel grimaced, but nodded. "What are we going to do with her tonight?" She asked. "We don't know if she is safe to leave with refugees. She is scared, and she could be dangerous. We have no jail to place her in, but I certainly do not want her sleeping in the stocks.

Neal shrugged. "Any spare rooms you can lock her in?"

Kel shook her head. "None. The men of the Own are already doubled up. I'm not putting her with Eurgain. I don't think she could deal with it." She sighed. "She can stay with me, I guess."

Neal frowned. "Is that the best course of action? Why don't you put Eurgain in a cot in your room, and lock Perrin in Eurgain's room?"

Kel opened her mouth to give a reason why this was a bad idea, but none came to mind. "Oh." She said. "Maybe that is a good idea."

So, that night, Kel found herself sitting on her bed, deep in conversation with Eurgain, who was sitting on a cot across the room from Kel.

"So what are you going to do about Dom?" Eurgain asked calmly.

Kel's face went red. "What do you mean?"

Eurgain grinned. "Don't think I don't know about your little rendezvous yesterday. I have my spies. And they happen to be Neal."

Kel sighed. "I don't know any more. It's complicated." She did her best to explain it to Eurgain, and then tried to change the subject. "What about you?"

Eurgain let out a dramatic sigh. "I asked him if he loved me or if I was just here as the only noble girl he could get his hands on, and he told me. He wants to take me home with him after the war. Whenever that may be."

Kel smiled. Why was everything now working out so well for everyone but her? The two women fell asleep soon after, both exhausted from a long day.

-----

Dom didn't try anything when she saw him in the hallway of headquarters the next morning. It seemed that their shouting match had tired both of them out, and neither of them were much in the mood for another one.

Kel walked down the hall and unlocked the door to Eurgain's room to allow Perrin out for breakfast. The girl was sitting cross legged on her bed, looking at Kel.

"I was wondering when you would come." She said. "I thought that maybe you don't like getting up early around here."

Kel smiled weakly. "I need to speak to you, Perrin. Please, sit down." She said, leading the girl into her office. "I would like to offer you a place here at New Hope." She said. "I know you are used to a palace, but I can't let you continue to Corus. Your message was sent last night, the king will know in two days. There is nothing more for you to do. I cannot allow you to leave, either way, so your choices are to either accept my proposal, or be considered an enemy of the Crown and be placed in jail.

"I am sorry to have to offer you this ultimatum, but I honestly do not have a choice. I just need to know if you will cause trouble, or if you can live peacefully in one of our barracks."

Perrin looked up at her. "I can live peacefully." She said. "But I will not sleep in the same room as one of your men."

Kel nodded. "Fair enough. The barracks are divided by families, so there are both men and women, but you will have your own corner, with curtains around it, if you wish."

Perrin shook her head quickly. "I'm sorry, my Lady," she said, surprising Kel, "but I can't."

Kel sighed and rubbed her temples. "Should I assume that Neal was correct about your experiences?"

Perrin nodded slowly. Kel could see the fear in the young girls eyes. Rage welled up inside of Kel. How could men do that to a young girl? How could they be so heartless as to ruin a young girls future, to ruin her life? Kel knew of girls who had been raped when they were young. Few of them were ever able to marry, too afraid of the love that could be directed towards them. Too afraid of the intimacy that marriage assumed.

"I cannot leave you in that room. It belongs to Eurgain. I have no individual rooms to give you right now. I could give you a bed in the infirmary, but sometimes there would be men there. Really, the only choices are in Eurgain's room with her, or in my room with me. I would need your word that you would not try anything while we slept, though."

Perrin nodded quickly. "Please, my Lady, I would not cause trouble. I promise.

"I will be good. I will sleep in your room, and you will not even know I am there, I swear it."

Kel furrowed her brow.

"W shall see where this day leads us, Perrin."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I am uber unhappy with this chapter. I wrote it in my notebook, then promptly _lost_ my notebook. I can just never write it as well as I did the first time. Argh.

I hope you all don't mind, but I am feeling rather monosyllabic today. Sorry in advance!

Annmarie Aspasia: thank you!

Gray Eyed Fighter: Yay! Bestest friend! Ooh… groveling… I like groveling! I did slip? I thought I went back and changed them all… oh well. I tried my bestest.

Queenofdakittys: Thanks!

Rowenhood: Yeah… this one took me ages, too.

Mage Light: yay!

Jennyvre Moss: yeah… harsh.

Atlanta Enchanted: Don't worry, only from the room. She doesn't want him to leave.

FanFictionFantom: you don't get it? It's just saying how you can tell kids god is crying because of how horrible they were. It makes them sad! Okay, I am evil, I'm sorry…

Smiles28: yay yay yay!

Seirien: yeah… sorry bout that. Heehee. I still don't know. I have written five chapters since then, but it's only been one day! I didn't realize that. I read the old chapters to see how much time had passed for one of Kel's monologues, and I was like, say what? One day? The hell?

Lady-kitty: he he… I am teh evil! (yes, the teh is supposed to be there…)

Lady of Masbolle: cow man. Good insult, I like it!

Nicecupoftea07: Oops. Sorry, he's dead! What can ya do?

AJ 4EVA: some day…. Some day. Maybe. If you're really, really good. REALLY good.

FanFictionFantom: I never went with the Neal thing. I dunno, it sort of wierded me out. Meh.

Wake-Robin: drama!

Alenor: oops, more lying! Bad Perrin! Yeah… Kel's being a bit annoying, really.

Lotr luvr: there's nothing wrong with crying over fictional characters. Fiction is supposed to invoke feelings in a reader, not just tell a story. It makes me feel special!

PsychoLioness13: yes, that would definitely be icky. Eww. Ick.

"As the evening sky faded from a salmon color to a sort of flint gray, I thought back to the salmon I caught that morning, and how gray he was, and how I named him Flint."

-unolimbo


	11. Chapter 11

"You must know this is temporary," Kel said, "you will not be sleeping in headquarters for the rest of your time here. This is only until we can come up with something better, something more efficient."

Perrin nodded slowly, her long blond hair tied in a knot at the nape of her neck. She looked almost comfortable there, as if she had been living in Kel's room for a long time, rather than just over night. "I'm sorry I make everything so difficult."

Kel raised her eyebrows at the girl. "Difficult? You didn't make things difficult. You just made them different."

Perrin looked at her for a moment, shocked. Kel smiled, and she smiled back.

"Perrin," Kel said, "do you know anything else about what your uncle has planned?"

Perrin nodded. "I know many things. But what use would they be to you?"

Kel smiled. "You never know what will be useful, Perrin. The king's reply will be here in four days, we will speak again then, alright?"

Perrin nodded. "What do I do until then?"

Kel shrugged. "Whatever you want. Help is always appreciated, though I must ask that you stay within the camp's walls. Other than that restriction, you may do whatever the other children do."

Perrin grinned at her. "Does that mean I can go outside?"

Kel nodded. "Be my guest." Perrin immediately rose from her seat and ran outside. Kel watched her go. Only a few days ago, Perrin had been dangerous, unknown, and lost. Now, Kel knew enough to know that she was just scared.

Able to finally put Perrin out of her mind, Kel settled into her office, ready for the work that lay ahead of her. She had just picked up her slate when there was a knock on her door. "Come in," she said, starting her work anyway.

The door opened slowly, and Kel looked up as her visitor did not speak.

"Have you thought about it?" Dom asked.

Kel frowned, unsure. "About what?"

With a sigh, Dom sat down in the chair across from her. He splayed himself over the chair as he often did when they were alone, but Kel could tell he was not comfortable at all. "You know what I said yesterday. I don't distract you when we are together. Maybe when we are alone, at night, but not when you try to work. But I will continue to plague your thoughts until you do something about it. I love you, Kel," he said a bit too loudly, "and I'm not willing to lose you over a bit of trouble in your command."

Tears came to Kel's eyes at his words. Why was she doing this to herself? She loved him. She knew she did. Why make herself miserable? _Because you know where these romances can lead_, the voice in her head told her. _Because you know that if anything ever happened to the two of you, you would not be able to live._ Kel's mind was racing with thoughts. She could hear Dom speaking, but she could not concentrate on the words he was saying. _But something did happen_, she thought.

"What?"

Kel shook herself out of her thoughts. "Pardon me?" She said, confused.

"You said, 'but something did happen.' What were you talking about?"

Kel's Yamani mask couldn't hide her blush. "Nothing," she said quickly, "nothing at all." She turned away from him. "Look, could you just leave me alone for a moment?"

"Fine." He said after a moment, and left without another word.

_Something happened. It already affected you. Your stomach is in knots, you have a headache. You cannot stop thinking about him. Is this how you are supposed to feel?_

Kel shook her head. "It's not," she whispered. _I'm a fool._ Her tears came freely now, and she held her head in her hands as drops fell from her cheeks and landed on her open book, leaving small blue blotches on the writing. _Nothing is ever simple. Nothing ever works. You can live your entire life searching for something and never find it. What were you searching for?_

"I was looking for my glory. I wanted to be a knight. To protect Tortall."

_And I did. I fought battles, I led many. I killed Blayce and ended the fear of the machines. What more do I need to do? What more do I need than what I have here?_

_What am I searching for?_

Kel slammed her hands down on the desk. She shuddered violently. Her hands still shaking, she took a handkerchief and wiped her eyes. A few minutes later, when she was sure that her face was back to its normal, non-red self, she ventured outdoors.

She did all her duties as she normally did, but noted every time she thought of Dom. _This has to be more than I used to think about it._

"Lady Kel!" Eurgain called out. "Are you busy?"

Kel shook her head. "What is it?" She asked, when the young woman came up to her.

"I was speaking to Neal. He said he is going to need some new help soon. He would be able to take care of it himself, but he said he's been here so long it's tiring him out."

Kel smiled weakly. "Ignore it. He's just pestering. Walk with me, Eurgain." The two women walked back towards headquarters as Kel explained her predicament."

Eurgain sighed dramatically after Kel was finished. "May I speak freely?"

Kel nodded. "I urge you to."

Eurgain sighed again. "He loves you, Kel. Why would you refuse that?"

Kel smiled. "Quite freely."

Eurgain frowned. "This isn't like you, Kel. You don't make jokes out of serious things. You don't play it safe. You do what your heart tells you. You are lying to yourself! People are not meant to live in misery. Even the poorest bastard ca find happiness, but you won't let yourself. You are doing this to yourself, Lady Kel."

"Are you done?"

Eurgain nodded politely. "Excuse me, Lady Kel." She said, turning and walking quickly away.

_I do what my heart tells me. But what about my mind?_

_Bullocks to my mind._

Tis all for now. Sleep time.

Atlanta Enchanted: I always remember Neal trying to be stealthy in the books. It never worked.

Wake-Robin: yay for mystery!

Mage Light: well, it would be sick whether she was a princess or not. But yes, it is sick.

Lady-kitty: everyone's hoping for that!

Gray Eyed Fighter: It is supposed to be Perrin, anything else is just an error. And I am very sorry I am taking so long with updates; it is a mix of no ideas and lack of time.

FanFictionFantom: I don't know, I guess it's the whole thing whereas he treated her like a little sister. I don't know.

Smiles28: yay

AJ 4EVA: I'm sorry… I am sure you can tell, it will happen soon.

Alenor: I get them from Jack Handy. He is my hero. But no peeking, then they won't be as funny when I give them to you!

Shining Star of Valinor: heehee… so much mystery…. Bwa ha ha

Red-rose-with-a-touch-of-dew: She is sort of scared that being in a relationship will take her focus away from her work. She is stupid that way, I think. Or at least, I make her that way. I find that she has no real weaknesses in the books, so I made up my own.

PsychoLioness: Thanks!

Naruke: Umm… okay… okay, I can't remember if I already said this, but I don't think I did – your reviews for Aftermath were a bit… rude. I don't really want to alienate my other readers or make any of them feel uncomfortable – I would really appreciate it if you could possibly not talk the way you do in those reviews. I value your opinions, but that split-personality/talking-about-sex-all-the-time thing is a little bit odd, and slightly offensive. Thanks!

"Children need encouragement. If a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess. That way he develops a good, lucky feeling."

unolimbo


	12. Chapter 12

That last chapter was a little weird, I know… oh well. I love interior dialogue. It is hella good.

Dom didn't come back to her room that night. She had hoped he would. She had _assumed_ he would. But she found herself alone. She ventured outside later to watch the night's competitions. Archery. She watched the shots. She could beat any of them, but she didn't want to. She would let them have their fun.

She saw Dom across the square, watching from the other side. He didn't see her.

She went back to her room and slept until daybreak.

The next day moved slowly. Perrin was good. She practiced with the children in the morning, learning how to wield a staff properly. Kel saw her smile with the other children.

Kel and Eurgain worked quietly all afternoon. Eurgain made no mention of their conversation the day before, choosing to keep their conversation to business. After Eurgain had left, Kel sat in her study, thinking. She barely heard the knock on her door.

"Come in." She said, rubbing her temples.

"I am here for my daily pestering," Dom announced. "And while I will not stay long, I would just like to assert my presence. I am here. Now you are going to think about me. I will plague your thoughts. You won't get any work done. I love you. Have fun." He turned to leave again.

"Dom, wait." Kel said, barely above a whisper. Dom still stopped. "Do I have to say anything?" She asked. "Do I have to apologize? Do I have to beg for you back, seeing as you have done the same?"

Dom stared at her, shocked. "You know, I really hadn't expected that to work." He said, a grin creeping up on his lips.

Kel smiled. "It's amazing what can happen if you just keep trying." She stood up. Dom stepped closer to her, and she to him. Suddenly, he hugged her tightly. She could do nothing but let the tears fall from her eyes.

"Kel…" Dom whispered into her hair.

"Thank you, Dom." Kel said, wiping her tears with her sleeve, something she never did, "I would never have figured it out without you."

Dom pulled away and looked at her. "I've never seen you stand down before." He said.

Kel smiled. "People change." She said.

Dom kissed her fiercely. He held her so tightly that she thought she would burst.

"Come sit with me, Dom." She said quietly, taking his hand. They went through the door to Kel's room and lay down on her bed. "We moved so fast." She said with a smile. "In about three days, we went from hating each other, to courting, to hating each other, to being madly in love."

Dom shook his head. "We never hated each other." He said. "We just didn't really get each other."

Kel kissed him once more. He still felt new, unknown to her. She wanted to hold him until he became familiar again. She rested her head on his chest, holding him close to her.

"It's only been two days," Dom said finally, "but I feel like it's been forever since we were civil with each other."

Kel smiled. "Other than that one day, we hadn't spoken in a long time. I missed you."

Dom kissed her again. "I love you." Kel felt the warmth from his skin, his electric touch – she shuddered as he held her close again.

They had been silent barely a moment when they heard a horn call. Kel sat up quickly. "Attackers." She said, leaping off of the bed and grabbing her sword. Dom kissed her quickly goodbye and ran to put on his own armour, leaving Kel to feverishly tie her own on. Gydo and Loesia arrived a moment later, knowing their commander needed to be out on the walls as quickly as possible. They tied on her breastplates and her armlets, until finally all she needed to put on was her helm. She tucked it under her arm, took hold of her glaive, and ran out to the stairs by the wall.

As she reached the top of the wall, Kel could see Merric and his squad riding swiftly towards the gate – there were too many men for them and the farmers to deal with. She unfolded her spyglass and looked out. She couldn't see anything.

"How many are there?" She asked.

The guard shook his head. "We don't quite know. Two of Sir Merric's men came back at break neck speed, told us to prepare for attack. They said that Sir Merric and the other men went to retrieve the farmers – it was a scout that saw these attackers, I believe, so we had a few moments."

Kel nodded, collapsing her spyglass again.

She ran back down the stairs and was waiting when Merric slipped off his horse.

"At least six hundred men, Kel. I don't think they realize New Hope was built here, they seem to be headed for Steadfast. If they come across our little camp, they won't just pass us by."

Kel grimaced. "Dom!" She cried. "Get your men on their horses and ready to move." She called out the same thing to the other three sergeants, and the sergeant of the convict squad.

She ran back up the stairs to where her archers were waiting. Refugees were assembling with long bows and spears. "Don't waste any shots," Kel said clearly in the voice she had learned from Raoul, though she didn't need to use it. The refugees were silent. "and duck. I don't want them to be able to see that we are prepared."

The refugees obeyed. Those few with crossbows prepared their bows, and those with longbows held their arrows in the ready position.

Kel pressed her spyglass through a crack in the wall, so she could see the now advancing troops. Merric was right. There were about six hundred. Where had they come from? She quickly created a map of the roads in her mind. As far as she could tell, they were headed towards Steadfast. They were obviously not working from the capital, otherwise they would have known about New Hope – there was no way that there had never been a single man to escape from all of their attacks. Where were these men from?

Kel quickly realized she didn't actually have time to contemplate this when the she could tell that the army had seen New Hope. They paused, the whole lot of them. They then began to walk again, this time more quietly. Kel knew they were preparing an attack, trying to be stealthy.

They were coming towards the wall at a fast pace, still too far for Kel's archers to shoot. "Prepare to fire," she said, signalling for the message to be passed along the wall. She watched for the final man on the wall to signal that he had heard her message, then she rose slightly. They were almost in range, only a few metres away. "Aim!" She said, loudly enough for her people to hear. The men and women rose with their bows and took aim. The men were in range. "Fire!" Kel cried at the top of her lungs.

Before the men could shield themselves completely, a rain of arrows fell upon them. About twenty five men went down. "Pick your shots and fire at will!" Kel cried. She knew they were not going to continue the attack. They weren't prepared, they fell back.

Kel called off the archers. "Don't waste any more arrows." She said. She reached where Fanche was putting another to arrow on her bow. Kel put her hand on the old woman's shoulder. "You can't reach them, Fanche. You know better than that." Reluctantly, the old woman put down her bow.

"No injured, no dead. As far as we can count from the bodies out there, the death count for the Scanrans is about twenty five. That means they still have 575 men."

Kel sat back in her chair. This meeting was going to be too long. She needed to send men out for the bodies, the salvageable arrows, and to attack.

"They could be planning on trying to outlast us." Merric said. "I don't have enough men to meet them in battle, so there is nothing we can do about that."

"What about the refugees? If they try to outlast us, we won't have enough food. No wheat, no cows."

Eurgain shook her head. "We have the cows. Daine spoke to them, remember. They knew to make their way back to the fort."

"But there are still more men than us, and they have our resources, plus their own. They _could _outlast us."

Kel sighed. "They aren't going to wait it out. They have a destination. We were simply a diversion. We don't need to worry about them blocking us in. What we do need to worry about is them sneaking past us and attacking Steadfast. Eurgain, I want two riders sent to Steadfast immediately. Merric, gather up the riders with the fastest and strongest horses. I want to attack tonight. You will need to be fast enough to get back in before the enemy reaches the river, if they try."

Merric nodded.

"Dom, I want your squad with him. I want you in and out, no more than an hour. I'm not going to say that I will close the doors after one hour, but there will certainly be consequences for putting our people in more danger than necessary. Do you understand?" He nodded as well. Kel rose. "They have somewhere to be. Gentlemen, why don't we help them out a bit?"

Fifteen minutes later, the two riders to Steadfast had been dispatched, the cows had been returned, and the dead had been burned, under a strict watch, of course. Planning had begun for that night's attack.

Kel stood on the top of the wall during her watch. She felt Dom behind her, but she did not turn. "One hour until sunset." She said quietly. "Three hours until we attack."

You like? I think there was a sufficient amount of fluff there, and there will certainly be plenty at the beginning of the next chapter – do not worry!

Atlanta Enchanted: yay! Everything is back in order…

Wake-Robin: again, I say: yay!

Caremel: Yay! I am big on the yays today, but I would like you to note the capitalization of this yay.

NarwhalGirl: thank you, that has indeed been pointed out to me – I am just too goddamned lazy to do anything about it.

Kim: the person who went by the name of Kelly Masbolle: wow… thanks.

Lady of Masbolle: uh oh.

FanFictionFantom: haha… too normal, you say? I banish ye from the Dom talk. Dom talk if for Dom lovers. No more Dom talk. Or you die. (though I cannot enforce it, I WILL… GRRR.) JOKES! Glad you like it.

PureEsparenza: mmm.. rocky socks… eww.

Naruke: haha, I want to name my kid Pippin too!

Alenor: thanks!

Mage Light: dude, you have come to the right place for KD…

Lady-kitty: yay for patience!

PsychoLioness: that's what I was hoping for. Everyone seems to find that one hilarious, but I never thought that was one of his best.

"When you die, if you get a choice between going to regular heaven or pie heaven, choose pie heaven. It might be a trick, but if it's not, mmmmmmm, boy."

Now in this one, just the mention of pie makes me laugh.

unolimbo


	13. Chapter 13

"Two hours. Is that enough time?" Dom asked.

Kel shrugged, still not looking at him. "It will have to be."

"Why are you on watch?"

Again, Kel shrugged. "The people know what they're doing. They can take care of themselves."

Dom frowned. "That's ridiculous. They need their commander." He disappeared down the stairs and returned a few moments later with a young soldier. "He's got good eyes. He knows what he's looking for." Dom said, pulling Kel away from the wall.

He walked her back to headquarters. "You need to rest, even if you are not going to help the men prepare," he said sharply. "There is no use brooding, it won't do anyone any good."

Kel sighed. "I was only doing my job," she muttered, but she knew he was right. She had been brooding. And that certainly wouldn't help.

She used her last hour to speak to the people. She assured them that Merric and Dom's men knew precisely what they were doing, and promised that while she was going with them, she was certainly going to come back to them.

Dom found her in her office, fifteen minutes before they were to leave. "Why are you coming? You're a commander." He asked.

She looked at him. "Because fighting is what I do best. Why are you coming?"

"Because it's my job. You ordered me to do it. But you're needed here."

Kel frowned. "I'm needed out there a lot more right now." She said. "Please don't try to protect me, Dom. I can take care of myself."

He sighed. "I know, it's just… I worry about you. I can't know you're safe when you're out there."

Kel held him in her arms. "Dom, I need to be there. I belong there. You know that."

He kissed her forehead. "I love you. I don't want to lose you again."

"Do you think this is any easier for me?" She said sharply. "I've already lost one man I love to this war. I couldn't bear to lose another." She hugged him tightly. "And you won't. I promise."

There was a knock on the door. Before Kel even had a chance to react, it swung open. "Sir, there is someone who needs to see you before you leave."

Kel nodded to the soldier. "I'll be right out."

A surprise was waiting for her when she reached the outside. A golden eagle was perched on Neal's shoulder. There was something odd about it, though. It had a humans mouth. Kel smiled. "Good evening, Daine. It's wonderful to see you."

The wild mage smiled. "It's good to see you too, Kel. I was in Steadfast when you sent the message. Raoul couldn't send any men, knowing these Scanrans would go there next, but he thought you might do something rash – which, I hear, you are – so I'm here."

Kel grinned. "Your help is welcomed. We depart in fifteen minutes. Would you like a drink or a bite to eat before we leave?"

Daine nodded. "Thank you." Her mouth changed back into an eagle and she flew over to Kel.

After slipping into a borrowed shirt and breeches, Daine sat across from Kel at Kel's desk. "I didn't get a chance to see this army before I came here. Was it as bad as it sounded?"

Kel nodded. "We didn't lose anyone, but it's only a matter of time. I'm sending men out tonight, that much you know. I don't think we can do very much damage, but there's nothing else to do."

Daine sighed as she sipped a glass of water. "I will send some friends to help them out." She said with a smile. "I can ask their horses to leave their masters. I can't promise they will leave or turn on their masters, but I can try."

Kel smiled. "That would be helpful. I always like to know that my men can get away safely."

"Are there any new animals here?" Daine asked as they walked outside. "Calves or colts or anything? I can speak to them tomorrow, if you feel it necessary."

Kel shook her head. "What they know just from being here is enough. I know you don't like to teach them to think like people if you don't have to. They don't need it. Maybe in a few generations."

"It's a deal," Daine said. "I'll go ahead and scout. Can you take my clothes, in case I need to change back?" She asked before changing into the eagle.

Kel nodded and stuffed the shirt and breeches into her small pack on the back of Hoshi. "Are we ready?" She asked.

Both Merric and Dom nodded. Daine took flight and disappeared over the wall as the large gate opened a crack for the line of horses to fit through. A dozen sparrows followed her.

No one said a word. The horses hooves were covered in cloth to keep them quiet, and every metal piece on their saddles were padded to stop them from jingling. Every man wore a leather jerkin with rings instead of armour to keep themselves quiet. There was not a sound, even though they had not left yet.

Kel's mind was racing. Thirty five men, all of them on horse back, eleven of them members of the Own. It was a good group of men. But thirty five against almost six hundred? It was a suicide mission. Kel knew it was. She was sure her men knew it too. She couldn't force them into this. "This is going to be dangerous, men." She said, loudly enough for the group to hear her. "I am not going to force any of you to do this. Feel free to leave now. There will be no hard feelings, you will not be considered a traitor."

Not a man moved. Kel couldn't help but smile. "Let's move out," she said. They didn't say a word past the fort walls. They were lucky it was a moonlit night, as they could not bring lanterns or torches. After fifteen minutes of riding, Kel heard an eagle cry. She looked up. Daine's silhouette was flying down to her. As it had before, the eagle's mouth changed to resemble a human shape as it landed on Hoshi's mane. The sparrows arranged themselves around her and on Kel.

"They are a kilometre down the road," Daine whispered. "5 scouts watching from the trees. Your sparrows can point them out." The head sparrow, White, peeped in agreement. "I have spoken to their horses. They agreed to help. They say their masters use the spur on them and don't feed them well. They are ready to buck and bite and run on my command."

Kel nodded. "I will send men to get rid of their scouts. When do they change?"

"Twice between lights. The horses don't know times, they just know there are two shifts. I think it's very soon, though, since they only have two a night."

Kel nodded again. "I will give you the signal. Goddess bless."

With that, Daine flew away. Kel signalled to the men what was happening. She could see them straining to see her signals. They rode a bit further. Dom sent five of his men, those trained best at being quiet, with the sparrows. Half an hour later, they came back.

"They changed the guard at midnight. We watched it. We killed the scouts as soon as the old ones were out of range. There won't be new ones until daybreak."

Kel nodded. "Let's begin," she said. "there could still be men awake. Be silent. White, tell Daine we're ready when she is."

Fifteen minutes later, hidden half a kilometre away from the camp enemy camp in a small glen that she was sure the enemy knew nothing about (otherwise they would have camped there), Kel heard galloping hooves. She held Hoshi's reigns tightly and patted her neck, not allowing her to call out to her cousins.

"Bloody horses!" A voice roared. "Get them back!"

Kel heard men running. This wasn't going the right way – they weren't supposed to run! They weren't supposed to know the horses were gone, they weren't supposed to go after them. She looked at Dom and Merric, frightened. "We can do this!" She hissed, not knowing if she believed herself. "White, tell Daine to lead the horses back to New Hope. Don't let them get captured back, but don't let them outrun us." White peeped and flew off again.

Kel signalled for them to gallop back to camp. "We're going to pick them off as they chase their horses," she said to Dom as the others began to gallop. "Prepare weapons!" Silence was no longer important. They just needed to get to some of the men.

Knowing they were now ahead of the horses on the road, Kel pulled Hoshi to a stop. The men followed. She could see the horses coming towards her. She readied her bow, and as soon as about two hundred horses passed her, she shot. A man in the coming crowd fell. Another tripped over him. She watched men fall as she reloaded her bow. There were about a hundred and fifty of them running down the road. She shot another arrow. The men were about two hundred yards away, and beginning to realize that they had to run. They started to disperse into the woods. Kel loosed one more arrow, then called a retreat. She didn't want to risk her men.

They galloped back to New Hope. Daine beat them back and had the doors open for them and the horses. "Get men on the walls!" Kel cried. "Archers, ready!"

She ran up to the top of the wall with her own bow. There were still men running through the woods and down the road. They were just across the river, and few of them were actually realizing not to keep running. "Idiots," Kel muttered under her breath, loosing an arrow. By the time all of the archers, the men were all either killed or had run back to camp.

Slowly and weakly, Kel stumbled back down the steps. "One hundred," she said. "At the most."

Fanche was standing in front of her, leaning on her bow. She had gotten there too late to do any fighting. "And we have two hundred more horses. They can help, I guess. We can always use them for fighting and working. But we might not have enough food or space for them."

Kel nodded grimly. "Daine has spoken to them, they won't run. Get them some water and a bit of oats, and we will see about them in the morning." She smiled. "For now, I need some sleep."

There was a knock on her door a few moments after she arrived back in her rooms. "Come in," she said with a sigh. "It's unlocked."

"How are you doing?" Dom asked, closing the door behind him. "A little tired?"

Kel smiled weakly and kissed him. "I've been better. But I've certainly been worse." He wrapped his arms around her. "A lot worse," she said.

Dum da dum!

Atlanta Enchanted: well, the army had already retreated. They hadn't planned an attack, they had just stumbled on the camp, so they retreated. Kel had her meeting afterwards. I could see how it would get confusing.

Lady-kitty: but it was a pretty shitty battle. Of course, it's not quite over yet. We'll see. Meh.

FanFictionFantom: thanks! And I guess you can talk about Dom… if you're _really_ nice.

Lady of Masbolle: aww, feel better! Yeah, I always break up their 'snog sessions' (I love that word – snog) with battles and such. I'm mean that way.

Knight Queen: thanks!

Caremel: yay! That's what I like to hear!

Janayi: wow, that really sucks. That would just drive me completely insane. But thanks anyway!

Wake-Robin: you make it sound like candy.

Parody Queen Rora: dude, it's alright. I was writing it instead of doing homework.

NarwhalGirl: thanks!

DOM LUVR4EVER: doesn't it say KD at the beginning?

Annmarie Aspasia: frustration can be a good thing! And I'm glad you liked it. And dude, I would never forgive myself if Dom died. No worries.

LolA JuNe: thank you!

Mage Light: woot woot.

Alenor: thanks!

"Whether they find a life there or not, I think Jupiter should be called an enemy planet."

-unolimbo


	14. Chapter 14

Morning came all too soon. Kel rose feeling tired and sore, but she knew she didn't have time to sleep any longer. The had killed almost a hundred men that night. But there were still five hundred of them, ready to attack.

With so few horses, the Scanrans couldn't move easily. There was no action at all that day. Kel didn't send any men out, but rather decided to let her men rest while they could. They couldn't do much in the daylight anyway. She posted double guard that night, just in case, but nothing happened, yet again. It worried Kel. Going that long without movement meant they were preparing something big.

She slept gingerly the second night, waking often, imagining that she heard the horns of war. She woke for the last time just before dawn. She was about to roll over and go back to sleep when she realized that the horns were not in her head.

She leapt out of bed and tied on her armour as fast as she could. She had slept in breeches and a shirt, knowing that she might have to get up at any time. It was the right decision. She was the first person outside, her sword in it's sheath, her glaive and bow in hand. Her commanders arrived only seconds after she did.

"What is it?" Dom asked, sleep still on his face.

Kel grimaced as she looked through her spyglass. "All of them. They're marching." She turned back to the men. "Prepare the archers! Along the northern and eastern walls. Dom, I want you and your men ready to ride out. Merric, yours too. By the time their men are in range, we'll be ready for them."

The men nodded and scattered. Kel took out her spyglass again and looked out. It didn't look good. Five hundred men marching on her camp, ready for battle, and probably still unknown by any Tortallans outside of New Hope. The sun was rising on what would soon be a massacre.

Moments later, the archers were in place. Kel stood atop the wall once again, ready to lead them.

"They can't just be marching on us. There has to be something more. They wouldn't have left it so long." Kel heard Fanche's voice from beside her.

She nodded. "I've been thinking about it. I want three scouts set up on the southern wall, three on the west. That's the most I can spare. So make it your most reliable. I remember my first battle; I could barely keep my eyes off it."

Fanche nodded and disappeared. She returned a moment later. "Six scouts are in place," she said calmly. Kel nodded, still watching the approaching army.

She stood up. "Prepare arms!" She cried out. She didn't need to shout. Every man, woman, and child was silent, awaiting orders. She had trained them well. As soon as the Scanrans came into range, Kel called open fire. She watched as men went down. Not enough, but some. "Fanche, there aren't five hundred men out there!" She said, loosing an arrow.

Fanche nodded grimly. "I was about to mention it."

Kel left Fanche in command and ran to the other end of the fort, ducking low to avoid any stray arrows. She looked over the south wall. Nothing. She kept going around the walkway to the western wall. One of the men suddenly pointed at something in the distance. Kel took out her spyglass, unsure of what she was looking at. "I see movement!" She cried. She turned and shouted down to Dom, "get your men out there as fast as you can! Around to the western wall! There are at least a hundred men attempting to breach the western wall – they're going to go over the moat!" She ran down the stairs as she shouted and mounted Peachblossom, who was waiting. The gates opened slowly, and Kel and the men galloped out. The Scanrans were still far enough on the north that they couldn't reach the men coming out the door on the east side – they were safe, for the moment. Kel felt the hard wood of her glaive in her hand. It comforted her. it continued to comfort her until the rode up upon almost a hundred and fifty Scanrans with great cut logs for breaching the moat.

"Mithros protect us," Kel whispered, pushing her helm down further onto her head as she rode towards battle.

She didn't have her bow with her, so she couldn't shoot them as they came across. But the bridges they made out of great trees were not wide enough for more than four men each, and they only had six of them. They laid them out quickly across the water, and Kel and her men were unable to do anything about it until they could ride over. Luckily, the Scanrans had limited weapons because of their heavy load – they all carried a sword and a shield, but none had bows; a very silly idea.

Two men rode out onto the first plank, cutting down every man that tried to get past them. Two more went onto the next. Kel saw Merric on one. Men still squeezed through, not daring to try and cut the knights horses when they passed, knowing that every second they waited on that bridge brought them closer to their doom.

But waiting on land was a worse fate. A squad of the King's Own awaited them. Their narrow passage, even without the soldiers blocking their way, meant that they couldn't surround Kel and her men. But they cut down two soldiers and were now rushing past. Kel's men had nowhere to retreat. She had somehow known something like this would happen – they could not hold back these men, but they couldn't retreat to the gate because they would probably get shot by the Scanrans attempting to breach the bridge.

"For the red dawn!" She heard someone scream. She raised her glaive and kept fighting, surely to her death. She had made a decision that, while possibly save her people, would certainly kill her and her men.

But there was something else. She could hear the shouts of men and the clash of swords from further ahead. She retreated slightly up the hill to take it all in.

At least three hundred Tortallan men were riding in _behind _the Scanrans. Wyldon or Raoul, whoever it was, Kel couldn't remember – they had received her message, and they had answered it. They were her saviours. She watched, as if in a dream, as they came behind the Scanrans, shooting them and cutting them down with their swords. The crowd of a hundred men had nowhere to go, and were quickly killed by the Tortallan men. But what of the other four hundred men? How were they going to stop them? They couldn't get back into the fort, because they would easily be shot as they tried to go in front of all the men across the moat. Kel rode across the makeshift bridge towards the army. She found Raoul at the front of it. "Wonderful to see you, Keladry!" He said with a grin. "Shall we head around and help out with those gents on the other side?"

Kel smiled. "That would be wonderful," she said. "We'll stay here in case anyone tries to sneak around this side." Raoul nodded and signalled to his men to ride around to the other side of the camp, where there were still about three hundred Scanrans attempting to get across the moat.

"How are you doing?" Dom asked, riding up beside Kel.

She shrugged as she drained her canteen. "We could be doing better. We've lost a few men, but I think we're doing alright."

Dom smiled weakly. "And you?"

Kel sighed. "I'll live," she said with a smile. With that, she turned Peachblossom around and they walked their horses back to the gate.

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What makes me laugh is that I haven't looked at this in over a month, and all I did right now was add an extra sentence. Oh well.

Atlanta Enchanted: heehee. Neal is dead. Jokes, he's inside. Kel didn't let him go to battle because she needed him as a healer.

Caremel: don't worry, now there will be fluff.

Wake-Robin: ooh, tension. Yay.

FanFictionFantom: haha. I think it's because it was during a war. And I liked that better than the 'ooh, giant evil nemesis come to randomly kill people and take over the world! Bwa ha ha!' But I can definitely see where you are coming from.

Alenor: thanks!

Lady of Masbolle: thanks!

Tiffany: yay! I love making people cry. In a good way, of course.

NarwhalGirl: thanks!

Jesse's Querida: what the heck is a querida? Curse my idiocy! And thanks.

Queen Tigress: your name reminds me of Le Tigre, for obvious reasons. I tried to download their songs and nothing happened. You make me happier than the lack of Le Tigre, because you reviewed me! Yay! Thank you!

"I think a good gift for the President would be a chocolate revolver. and since he is so busy, you'd probably have to run up to him real quick and give it to him."

-unolimbo


	15. Chapter 15

When Kel made it back inside the camp, there was a messenger waiting for her.

"Congratulations, Kel," Daine said with a grim smile, "you did a good job. Goddess and Mithros bless the dead."

Kel nodded. "Thank you. What happened? I thought you said Raoul couldn't spare any men."

Daine shrugged. "I flew over when I saw them. Raoul only said he reassessed and realized that the Scanrans were probably just going straight through. He said he was going to have to deal with them at some point, it might as well be before they killed hundreds of his people and three of his best friends."

Kel grinned. "That sounds like Raoul. Come have something to eat. And tell Raoul I said thank you."

"Tell him yourself." She pointed over her shoulder to where Raoul was leading a stretcher with a now one-legged to the infirmary. "I'll speak to you later."

"Thanks." Kel said when she caught up with Raoul. He stood up, straight, having safely deposited the man in a bed.

"Not a problem," he said with a smile. "I'm sorry we weren't here sooner. I made a bad call."

Kel grinned. "You redeemed yourself, sir. Nealan," she said, turning away from Raoul, "only deal with the critical right now. There are two many men dying to worry about cleaning someone's wounds. We have supplies and other men who can help with that."

Neal nodded grimly, his face an ashen white. Kel tossed him her fresh canteen, which he drained. "Thanks," he croaked.

Kel smiled weakly. "Don't kill yourself with this, Neal. When you can't do any more, stop. You'll save more lives if you're still alive." Neal nodded, and Kel turned back to Raoul. "Keep an eye on him, will you?" Raoul nodded in response.

After about an hours work, Kel knew she had done all she could. The emergencies had been dealt with, and there was nothing really for her to do. Besides, she needed to rest. She had gotten about three hours of sleep the night before, with a lot of fighting before and after. When she finally got back to her room, though, she found Dom asleep on her bed.

"And what do you think you're doing?" She asked loudly, her hands on her hips.

Dom opened his eyes slowly. "I was waiting for you, what did you think I was doing."

Kel lay down beside him and fell into the warmth of his arms. Just as suddenly, she sat up.

"Was Perrin here when you got in?"

Dom frowned. "Are you kidding? I wouldn't sleep in here if she was in here."

Swearing, Kel sat up. "I have to go find her. She could be anywhere."

Dom sighed and sat up as well. "I'm coming. Give me a second to open my eyes, will you?"

Kel smiled as Dom slowly pushed himself off her bed. No one she asked had seen Perrin.

"I saw her," Eurgain said when Kel and Dom approached her. "She was in the infirmary."

"What happened to her?" Kel demanded.

Eurgain shrugged. "Nothing."

Sighing angrily again, Kel went directly to the infirmary. There, along with Neal and the other healers and the women and men who were not injured, was Perrin. She was holding a woman's hand as a healer stitched a gash on her side. Kel smiled. "Maybe she will fit in," she said to Dom, watching Perrin as she wiped the woman's brow, as instructed by the healer. "Let's go to your room," Kel said. "Who knows how long Perrin will be."

Both she and Dom collapsed onto his bed before they could say another word to each other, not even bothering to take their boots off.

Kel woke to the sound of the dinner bell. She knew she had only slept four or five hours, and she could feel the fighting in her muscles. She was sore all over. "Dom," she whispered, shaking him lightly, "wake up."

He groaned. "Why?"

Kel sighed and put her head down on his shoulder. "Because I have to make an appearance. Probably a speech. We did just lose a lot of people, you know."

Dom groaned again. "Fine. But why do I have to get up?"

Kel laughed. "Come on, sergeant, get up. That's an order."

Grudgingly, Dom sat up. He kissed her, awake finally. "You did an amazing job, Lady Knight. You should be proud."

Kel smiled. "I couldn't have done it without everyone else."

"There you go, a wonderful speech, wrapped up into two sentences." He kissed her again. "But they couldn't have done it without you."

Kel relished in the warmth of his arms for a moment, then knew she had to get to the dining hall. Besides, she hadn't eaten since the night before. She needed dinner.

She made a speech after the meal, as she had known she would need to. She found out from Neal that the mortality rate was very low. New Hope lost about ten men and women who had been hit with arrows. Raoul had lost a few men, about twenty in total, but he began with nearly two hundred. He had told her that when his men made it around the camp, the refugees had already killed almost half the men. There were not even two hundred men left when he got there. She knew every man had mattered.

"Today was a long day for New Hope," she began. "And as much as we all need to sleep and to mourn for those we have lost, we also must celebrate. Every man, woman, and child had a part to play, and every one played it brilliantly. It is because of the skill and determination of all of you, not me, that I am able to stand here and be the one to speak to you all today. Congratulations, and may we never have to test your skills again."

There was a scattering of applause. Kel could tell that while the refugees wanted to celebrate, they also wanted to grieve their dead. Kel understood that. She closed her speech and sat back down in her seat to finish her meal.

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well, it only took me three months to do it, but here is a new chapter! Hurray!

Mage Light: I'm glad you enjoy it!

Wake-Robin: you're damn right it's been a while!

FanFictionFantom: Treachery and ambition are good, too. I sort of have that in one of my other stories, though I'm not very good at it, so it didn't last very long.

Atlanta Enchanted: I do love Raoul. Hooray indeed.

Kings Lioness: squeaking? That's… interesting. Just kidding, everyone always makes fun of me because I squeak like nothing else.

Chaos Queen2.0: Of course! And I'm glad you like it.

Dragonseeker55: thanks!

Vimrcds: Yay, I love compliments like that!

Jtaandlca: why can't you give me advice before then? And you make a good point, I should have something with him in it again…

Dancer4eva: thanks! But it's not over yet…

"The fingernails grow after death, and before birth. The toenails, on the other hand, never grow." "You mean the toenails on the other foot never grow."

-unolimbo


	16. Chapter 16

"Mithros bless them, these people did an amazing job," Merric said as they sat down in Kel's office for their morning meeting. "I feel like I barely did anything."

Neal grinned. "We're going to be obsolete soon, Sir Merric."

Merric scoffed. "Please, Sir Nealan, you're already obsolete."

Neal glared at his friend but said nothing. Kel, on the other hand, barely heard a word either of them said. This being the first major attack since that fateful afternoon in October, Kel couldn't help but think about Cleon. She missed him desperately. She shook the thoughts out of her head and got on with her meeting, but afterward, she took out Hoshi and made her way down to the graveyard. She realized that she had come down with nothing to give, and she was ashamed. She picked some wildflowers from near the graveyard and placed them over the slight bulge in the ground where she knew Cleon lay. There was a crude gravestone over his head. It was small, and not very well made, but it was there. It said his name. That was it. But it was enough.

A message had been sent to his parents a few days after his death. Kel knew her duty, she had to write it, she had to offer her condolences, tell them that he had been a good knight, that he had died honourably. It had been one of the hardest things she had ever done, writing this when she didn't believe any of it anyway. Then a letter had come from his family asking for his body back. Kel had been forced to refuse. He was already buried.

And now, now Kel was standing over that place where he was buried, wondering how it was possible that she had been the one to bury him. But she had. She had buried him. She had mourned him. She had now come to visit his grave, not five months after his death. And now, standing over his grave, she wanted to be held by Dom.

Tired and confused and angry with herself, Kel left the graveyard and rode back to the camp. When she got there, Raoul, his men, and Daine were gone.

"I saw you leave," Dom said, taking her aside when she came around to check his squad's work an hour or so later. "how was it?"

Kel sighed. "I think it was okay." She said. "It's been five months, Dom. I miss him, I really do."

"But…"

Kel shook her head. "I feel almost… I don't know. I feel almost _glad_. Oh god, that sounds so horrible!"

Dom shushed her and took her hands. "Maybe you've just figured it out that you need to get on with your life."

"Or maybe I've just figured out that this is really where I belong."

-----

New Hope was deep into spring now. It was April, and spring planting was almost over. Kel was busy taking as many reports as possible to send back to Corus. When reviewed, these reports would tell her whether or not she and her friends could go back home again. She and Eurgain were writing rapidly in Kel's office one beautiful spring day when there was a knock on the door. "Come in," Kel said.

"Excuse me, Lady Kel," Perrin said quietly.

Kel looked up. "Good morning, Perrin. What can I do for you?"

"You're planning on closing the camp, aren't you."

Kel frowned. "What gave you that idea?"

"You're writing lots of reports. You want to go home."

Kel smiled. "Everyone wants to go home, Perrin. And you're right, I am writing reports."

Perrin looked up at her with terrified eyes. "What's going to happen to me?"

Kel sighed. "Please, sit down, Perrin. I don't know what is going to happen to you, honestly. I haven't the clearance yet to let you go on your way, though I believe you were telling the truth when you told me you were going there to look for work."

"I was!" Perrin protested, but Kel held up her hand.

"New Hope will not close. Many people here have no home, no family to go back to. The camp will stay open for any who wish to live here. The people who wish to rebuild their old lives and old homes will be allowed. I am putting in a request that you join us in Corus, where you will be safe if your uncle does rally these forces you spoke of. My feeling is that now that Maggur knows this camp is here, he would prefer to go around it than through it. Thus, I believe that the people here are safe."

"So why do you think it isn't safe for me here?"

Kel smiled. "I'm glad you figured it out. Your uncle has certainly noticed that you are gone, and he probably knows where you went. It is likely that he will attempt to come to you. If you are here, you can't be protected, and you will put the refugees in danger. Maggur wouldn't dare try to walk into Corus and take you back. And if he tries to get there, we can easily stop him. Corus is very far away. Does that answer your question?"

Perrin nodded. "Thank you, Lady Kel." She said. She bowed and left.

"She is more important than the gods are leading us to believe." Kel said, staring at the door. "I can feel it."

Eurgain sighed and closed her book. They were both tired and ready to go home. The winter hadn't been too hard, but it was still long enough to dampen their spirits about the coming year. Eurgain didn't know it, but Kel could tell that everything would turn out well for her after the war. "I'm sure she is. Your feelings usually tend to turn out all right."

Kel smiled. She certainly hoped that Eurgain was right.

The reports went in at the end of the week. Kel crossed her fingers. She wanted to go home. She needed a break more than even she knew. So when, at the end of May, they received a message from Corus, Kel called her commanders into her office for an emergency meeting.

"We've been here at New Hope for a long time now," she said. "We've all been through a lot. We all want to go home." She looked around at her audience. They were all sitting at the edge of their seats, wondering what she was going to say. They wanted to go home as much as she did. "And we will all be home for Midwinter."

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Well, it's short, but it's not _too_ short. A nice, reasonable length, I think.

Atlanta Enchanted: Thank you! I'm glad you like it!

Wake-Robin: yes, short and sweet. It's a good think.

Caremel: I'm glad you liked it. I've been working on adding more detail into those things, so I'm glad they're working.

Me Me MeE: now you're just being silly. First of all, I've never read your story. As far as I can tell, you haven't even _written_ one. I'd really appreciate it if you didn't swear at me, please. If you don't like my story, please tell me. I like to know if I need to improve. But there is no reason to be nasty. Man, I could just keep going for hours, but I'll leave you with the smidge of pride you left behind when you went to the effort to swear at me, falsely accuse me of 'stealing' your story, and write your entire 'review' in alternating capitals and lower case letters. Just go and find a quiet corner and think about your actions next time before you go and act like an idiot, because when you don't, it's certainly not me who looks pathetic.

Dancer4eva: That's a good point. On the other hand, it's much more helpful when it allows an author to improve on that specific story, rather than finding out afterwards everything he or she has done wrong. Does that make sense? Now, I don't quite understand what you mean about 'putting Cleon back into the tragedy that he caused.' Do you mean, include him in the story more? Because that's what I assumed you meant, and I hope I am fulfilling it well for you! And I will definitely take a look at your story, if I haven't already.

FanFictionFantom: I'm glad you enjoyed it. It's from _Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead_. Absolutely hilarious movie, I completely recommend it, especially if you are a fan of Hamlet. There are way more jokes like that. Wow, I feel like a movie salesman.

Seyyada: true. I always rate a bit higher than I have to, though, just in case. It's not like anyone really pays any attention to them, is it?

The Crazy Pineapple Lady: interesting name. And I totally agree with you: why do you think I killed him off?

Nativewildmage: Ah, cliffhangers. What would we do without them? I am a great fan of them. No one is going to want to read your story again if you don't give them something to look forward to.

Mage Light: That's cool. I had to do that, seeing as it's been two months since I've even _looked_ at this story. Whatever, it's a good way to spend a few hours!

"I'm a leaf on the wind. Watch how I soar." "What does that mean, anyway?"

If you do not understand this quote, go and see _Serenity_ RIGHT NOW. Then you will understand this quote, and you will have seen an absolutely spectacular movie. I recommend it to anyone and everyone. More shameless advertising. But I can't help it. That was one of the best movies I have ever seen, ever. Please notice the repeated use of the word 'ever.' That's how good it is.

Now I'll shut up and post this silly story!

-unolimbo


	17. Chapter 17

Kel held up her hand to the cheering crowd. "Not a word to the refugees," she said severely. The room went silent again. "I said you would be home for Midwinter, I did not say you would be home for the summer. We will not be leaving until _after_ the harvest, in late October, before the snow. We will probably be needed here. But as soon as the harvest is done we will set off. We won't bring anything. We will do our own hunting for the trip back, the people need everything here. Perrin will come with us. The convicts will stay here no matter what, and it's not like they'd have anywhere to go. The refugees will stay here as well. We are not providing any money or means of transportation for any of them; if they wish to make their way to Corus or their hometowns, they can pay for a horse or mule out of their own wages. Merric, I'd like to discuss your soldiers now. Thank you." Everyone filed out at the dismissal. Kel nodded to Eurgain, who stood and left as well, closing the door behind her.

"The soldiers will be staying here over winter," Kel said. "I don't want to take everyone away at once, the refugees need to be weaned off of their command. So half of the soldiers will stay, as will I."

Merric frowned. "Kel, is that really necessary?"

Kel nodded with a sigh. "Yes, I believe it is. But you don't have to stay. I won't be doing duties as commander, I will be here completely for supervision. I won't do a thing. I won't have a scribe, I won't have an office, I'll just have a bunk in the soldiers rooms and a horse."

Merric sighed. "Are you sure you'll be here by yourself? And isn't it enough time to teach leaders before then? Why do you need all winter?"

Kel laughed. "I'll hardly be alone, Merric. I'll have the soldiers, and only a thousand people living here! I can't do it in the summer, not while you are all here. I know that there will be temptation to go to commanders and men of the Own for help, and that can't happen. I need to know that they can survive winter without us. I want the soldiers here to help me do more weapons training over the winter and to help out if there are any further attacks."

Merric frowned again. Kel knew he would not agree with it, but she also knew that it was necessary for her to stay, and for everyone else to go. The refugees would never survive on their own with an entire army beside them, but she could never just abandon them on their own. She needed to show them that even if she couldn't help them, she could still support them. And Merric needed to understand it so he could make everyone else understand it.

Merric sighed. "Is anything I can say going to stop you from doing this?" He asked.

Kel smiled. "Nothing at all."

Merric put his hand on her shoulder. "Kel, I trust you. Your men trust you. Everyone in this camp will do whatever you tell them. Just promise me that I won't have to tell everyone that you're staying."

Kel hugged her friend. "Just tell your soldiers, when the time comes. It is up to you to make them understand that they are staying here and you're not. I want them to take it well! And you get the joyous job of getting half of them to stay here. Maybe even fewer. Two or three squads should be plenty, since the convicts have to stay."

Merric laughed. "That'll be a lark. They'll love that."

Kel laughed and left her friend with the promise that he would speak of it to no one. She knew he would be able to deal with his men. As much as he believed anyone would follow her, she knew that any of those soldiers would follow Merric. Now Kel was left to explain it to Eurgain and Neal, and Dom. Most of all Dom. She had no idea how she was ever going to tell him. In fact, she didn't plan on telling him until the last possible moment. Maybe that wasn't the best idea. Maybe he could be angry with her for not telling him. But if she told him now, he was bound to be angry with her for much longer.

Though she hated herself for it, she would have to ask for help.

The next day was a day of heavy summer rain. The first great rainfall of the season. The soldiers were still patrolling the walls, with the help of the refugees, but the remainder of the camp was indoors. Kel stayed in her office with much work to do, but she knew that there were activities in the buildings and even weapons practice in the mess hall. The people of New Hope didn't miss a beat.

Kel had told Eurgain of her plan that morning, but though the girl tried to act surprised, Kel could tell that she already knew. Now the two women sat in silence at their books. But Kel couldn't concentrate. She had been working all day, and it was nearing mid-afternoon, and she felt no further ahead in her work.

"Eurgain, how am I supposed to tell Dom?"

Eurgain shrugged. "You could just tell him."

Kel frowned at her friend.

Eurgain shrugged again. "Dom's a reasonable man, Lady Kel. You're frightened of him, and I don't really see why."

"I am not frightened of him! I can take care of myself, thank you very much!" Kel said, scandalized.

Eurgain looked up at her. "Maybe physically you can. But maybe you're not ready for him." She smiled. "He's very… intense."

Kel smiled weakly. It was true. They both knew it, and she couldn't deny it.

"Tell me the truth, Lady Kel. Is Dom any part of the reason that you are staying here after everyone else leaves?"

Kel shook her head. "No. Yes. Maybe. I don't know."

Eurgain smiled. "Then maybe you should think about this decision for a bit before you finalize it."

Kel shook her head. "Whether Dom has anything to do with it or not, I still know it's the right thing to do! I told you already, I need to be able to see if the refugees are alright without everyone here, helping them."

Eurgain smiled. "I know. Just think about it, will you?"

Kel nodded. "I will."

"And Lady Kel?"

"Yes?"

"Just think about how you would feel if he kept this from you. If you think it's the right thing to do, make sure you actually tell him. Because otherwise you will find yourself rapidly losing people who will talk to you." Eurgain glanced out the window. "Besides," she said, "it's raining. He's can't very well storm off anywhere. I have to check the mess hall. Don't forget you have patrol in an hour. Which makes now an even better time!"

Kel smiled weakly. "I thought you told me to think about it?"

Eurgain shrugged. "It's not like you would actually change your mind."

Kel chuckled. "Thank you, Eurgain."

Eurgain was right. Kel already knew the answer. She would tell Dom. Right then. "Tobe!" She called. The boy appeared at her door. "Could you go and get Dom for me, please? And stop hanging around my door. I'll tell you when I have something to do, I haven't forgotten about you. Go to weapons practice. Perrin is there. You can keep an eye on her for me."

"Yes, my lady."

A few moments later there was a knock on her door. She took a deep breath. "Come in," she said.

"'Lo, Kel," Dom said. "You wanted to see me? Business or pleasure?" He asked with a grin.

"Business."

His smile disappeared and he took a seat across from her.

"Dom, not everyone is leaving after this year's harvest. You and your men will go home, as well as Neal, Merric, Eurgain, and some of Merric's men."

"But you won't."

Kel shook her head. "No, I won't."

"Why not?"

Kel gave Dom the same explanation that she had given Eurgain and Merric. It almost made her sad that Dom was being so reasonable about it – not because she thought he didn't want her to leave with hi, but because Eurgain knew him better than she did. Dom _was _a reasonable man.

"I want to stay with you." Dom said.

Kel shook her head. "The last group I want here are the King's Own. Your men are too good, they have to go. And you know they can't go without you."

Dom crossed his arms. "This sounds suspiciously like you're trying to get rid of me, Kel."

"I'm not," she said, moving around to where Dom was sitting. "I love you, you know that."

"How?" He asked, the colour rising in his cheeks. "Just saying it doesn't mean much any more, Kel."

Kel frowned. "I don't know what you're talking about. I shouldn't have anything to prove to you."

"It's not about competition! It's about you hiding behind these words, the way you hide behind your mask." He stood up and began to pace. "I kissed you. You kissed me back. Did you feel sorry for me? You pushed me away again, and I had no choice but to wait for you. And I did. Now you're just pushing me away again, making me wait another season for you?" He shook his head. "I can't keep waiting for you, Kel. Make a decision."

Kel put her head down and sighed. Dom just stood there, watching her, waiting for her to say something. Anything.

She didn't. Dom turned towards the door.

"All my life," Kel began. Dom stopped at the door. "I have been inferior. I have been called more foul names than you can imagine. I have gone through doubt and pain and hatred and hell to get where I want to be. I loved Cleon – but I gave him up for my career, because I knew I would always be just a mistress to him, and I couldn't do that to myself.

"When I was finally able to take him back, he was taken from me once again, forever – and not five months after his death, I became involved with another man. A man I _knew_ I could never marry, no less.

"I know what things are being said about me in Corus. Do you think they don't know? Things like this travel distances easily. The shame I am placing on my family, on Cleon's name. The damage I am causing to my reputation. I am as good as giving up my life for you, Dom. You said it yourself. _It's different, the men you would save and the men you would die for._" She sighed. "I just wish you had noticed."

Neither of them moved in what felt like forever. Slowly, Dom moved back to where Kel was sitting. "I'm sorry." He said. Kel nodded and felt tears come to her eyes. Saying what had been flowing through her mind for months made it seem so much worse. She had refused to let the thoughts come together in her head before this, and _it hurt_.

"I am sorry, Kel. But is running away from it really the answer?"

Kel sat up, pulling herself away from him. "I'm not running away," she said. "I made my decision because the people of New Hope come first. They always have."

Dom nodded. "I know, Kel, I know."

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Crappy chapter ending, I know, but what can I say. I wanted to get it posted.

Atlanta Enchanted: thanks! Yay for closure.

FanFictionFantom: thanks!

Kelly Masbolle: I'm glad you like it!

Wake-Robin: finally indeed. OR MAYBE NOT!

Imakeladrygirl: not quite yet…

Mage Light: Yes. They were engaged. Cleon's younger and good for nothing brother married a very rich girl and so Cleon did not need to have an arranged marriage, leaving him free to marry Kel.

Balinka: thanks!

Nektonic: no, that's not it, I'm just horribly busy and not particularly imaginative right now.

I'm really sorry I've been taking so long with this story, but I've actually been really, really busy, and the creative juices are just not flowing. I'll try and put the next chapter up a little bit sooner.

"Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait, not me, you."

-unolimbo


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